The Truth Behind It All
by zaubernuss
Summary: The war is over. When Christmas comes, Harry gets the chance to talk to Severus and ask him all the questions that were left unanswered – about the fateful Halloween night his parents died, the events that led to their murder and about what happened to Voldemort after that. All the nagging plot holes finally explained! Could be canon, except for epilogue.
1. The DeathEater,the Maiden & the Prophesy

**_A/N: This story is a companion piece to 'A Kiss for the Netherfairies' and 'Getting the Best of the Gloomilows", but it can be read as stand-alone. Some things you might stumble over (Remus being alive, the mentioning of Noria and Irma... ) are explained in those stories.  
_**

 _As brilliant as the Harry Potter books doubtlessly are, there are unfortunately quite a few missing pieces of information which seem to be plot-holes in the books. The main focus of this story is on finding anwers to all of the nagging questions that remained. (For details, see footnote please)_

* * *

 **The Death Eater, the Maiden and the Prophesy**

If somebody had told him last year that he would be visiting his parents' grave with the former Death Eater, Order-Spy and most hated teacher, Harry would have seriously questioned that person's sanity. But a year ago, he had been oblivious of many things, such as the fact that Severus Snape had been friends with his mother, that he had always been on the side of the Light and that he had protected Harry throughout all his Hogwarts years. Neither had he known that Snape – Severus – was his second godfather.  
 **  
**This was probably the most startling secret that had been revealed to him only a month ago – by the Potion Master himself, no less. From what Harry understood, it was Hermione who had somehow convinced him to talk to Harry and try and mend their truly rotten relationship. Though how exactly Hermione had come to know about it and how she had managed to persuade the unapproachable man to actually approach him remained a secret.

Hermione had been made some kind of assistant to the Potions Master lately, and spent a lot of her free time brewing for the hospital wing since then. Quite unmistakably, she had developed an agreeable working relationship with their acerbic professor – agreeable even to the extent that he apparently would listen to her counsel. Another thing that would have been impossible to imagine only half a year ago. Well, to be entirely honest, it still was.

But although Harry couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to the new relationship between his friend and their professor than both let on, he found himself rather grateful for it. Once the first step towards reconciliation between both former arch enemies had been made, others had followed. Baby steps, yes, but it was progress no less. And then Harry had made a huge leap, when he had invited his newfound godfather to spent Christmas at Grimmauld Place with him and some of his closest friends, among who – wonders never ceased – he also now counted Draco Malfoy. It surely had been an equally huge leap for Severus when he accepted the invitation.

So far, the holidays had been surprisingly harmonious. Severus had given Harry the most meaningful present he had ever received for Christmas: vials upon vials containing memories of his mother. It had almost made him cry. It was in this sentimental mood that he had quite spontaneously asked his mother's former best friend to accompany him to Godric's Hollow on Boxing Day.

He had initially intended to come back here with Hermione. After their disastrous visit last year, he felt that they both needed closure. Apart from Nagini's attack right after their visit to the graveyard, coming here to honour his parents' memory had brought him some form of peace, and Harry intended to make this his new Christmas tradition. But Hermione had blanched at the idea. She still had nightmares of the attack and no desire to face her demons. Harry had been resigned to go by himself, but after Severus so willingly shared his memories of his mother with him, the idea to ask him along for company had seemed the right thing to do.

After a moment of hesitation, his mother's childhood friend had agreed, and Harry found himself grateful for the company. Though this place was no more haunted for him than the graveyard in Little Haggleton, the chamber of secrets in Hogwarts or certain places in Britain's forests, it was still a bit unsettling to be back here. But he couldn't allow the ghost of Voldemort to dwell in the village where his parents had lived and now rested – a place that should only hold memories of them.

They were even literally cast in stone on the market square. For Muggles, it was a war memorial. But for wizards, it honoured three people who had fallen in an altogether different war – the last victims and defeaters of the Dark Lord.

Under a Disillusionment-charm, Severus and Harry apparated to the little church square in the heart of Godric's Hollow. They didn't want to startle any Muggles with their sudden appearance, and the likelihood for that was great. The village church would probably be highly frequented on Christmas, and they had no idea at what time services were held. But they had obviously arrived at a good time – service was in progress; the church portal closed. Thanks to the cold and rainy weather, no one was out in the street.

They removed the disillusionment charm and looked around. Everything was just like Harry remembered from his last visit, except that this time, they had arrived in daylight. The pub and the post office were both closed for the holidays. On their left, just a few paces ahead of them, was the war memorial. Harry knew what to expect when he and Severus passed on their way to the churchyard. It transformed when they were right beside it, and instead of the Obelisk, they saw a statue of three people – a man, a woman, and a baby.

Severus stopped dead in his tracks, clearly startled. "I've never seen this before..." he said, surprise in his voice. "I didn't even know they had erected a monument to serve as a reminder of the murder committed here..."

"Neither did I," Harry said. "Until we came by it, last year. It's weird, seeing them cast in stone. Seeing a memorial dedicated to myself as a baby."

A trace of his Potion Professor's derision crept back into his voice as he sneered: "What can you do – you were born a hero."

"It's not something I ever asked for, you know?" Harry retorted a bit testily. "Contrary to what you always thought, I never enjoyed being a celebrity for surviving the murder of my family."

Severus looked at the involuntary hero of the wizarding world and sobered. He was being unfair again. The boy certainly was not to blame for the role that had been forced upon him. "You're right," he conceded, surprising Harry and himself with his almost-apology. "Your fame was predestined with the prophesy. 'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord... marked as his equal'... You were to become an icon of hope when Dumbledore's warnings came true and the Dark Lord returned. It was supposed to secure you the support of the wizarding public. Dumbledore doubtlessly hoped that putting you in with a Muggle family like the Dursleys would assure at the same time that all this hero worship wouldn't reach you and go to your head."

Harry snorted. "Well, I guess that plan worked perfectly! At no time was I in danger of becoming bigheaded or feeling important while living with them."

Again, Severus experienced an unexpected surge of remorse and sympathy for the Boy who lived, but who certainly paid a high price for his survival. He had known Petunia, after all. Though he doubted that she or her caricarture of a husband had been physically abusive like his own father, he knew that cruelty was not limited to beatings. No, Harry's childhood had certainly not been a walk in the park, and yet he had never given a second thought to the circumstances of his upbringing. He couldn't have allowed himself to care.

They left the memorial behind and walked over to the kissing gate next to the church, which marked the entrance to the graveyard. This time, Harry knew where to find the grave of his parents and lead the way.

"There," he needlessly said when they stopped in front of the moss-covered tombstone. Without the decorative cover of pristine snow, it looked even more triste and sombre than it had last year. But the snow had been an exception, doubtlessly due to rogue Dementors roaming the country and upsetting the weather. It hardly ever snowed here in the South-West.

Severus stepped next to him, looking at Lily's grave for the first time ever. He'd been wondering what kind of feelings standing here would evoke; worrying that it might open up wounds he wasn't sure had entirely healed; fearing the resurfacing of memories that would bring it all back.

But the moment ebbed away without a surge of emotion. He didn't feel anything he hadn't felt all the while before whenever he thought of Lily: lingering traces of guilt, regret, and sadness. When she died, he had lost the only person he had ever counted as friend. If there had been chances to make new friends along the way, he had let them pass without notice. Minerva, for instance. Beneath the competition they had going between their houses, despite their constant bickering, she had always treated him decently. Last year, he had no doubt of that, she would have stood beside him and lent support – if he had let her. But he had never opened up to her.

There was no shortage of people who had extended a hand to him. His aunt Noria and Irma, even the werewolf. As a student, Severus had despised him for being one of the Marauders and a coward, but since then, over twenty years had passed. It probably wasn't fair to hold his actions as an adolescent against him after all this time. He had definitely not been a coward in their fight against the Dark Lord, and he had paid a high price for it. It was a bit hypocritical, Severus had to admit, to continue blaming him for being a sycophant, when he himself had spent half of his life licking the boots of his 'master'. Unfortunately, he also had a tendency to carry grudges. He had no real desire to make friends with Lupin, but there was no doubt that the werewolf would happily accept an olive branch if Severus were inclined to offer it and try for anything more than collegial acceptance.

And then there was Hermione of course, who had repeatedly and most fervently voiced her interest in – associating with him. He still didn't dare call it 'romantic interest', though there was no denying the facts. But he needed to keep his head straight, as difficult as it was around the determined witch. Thanks to her, he could now add Harry to the list of people who wanted to redefine the boundaries of their established relationship. Harry, who wanted him to be here and share his memories of his mother with him. Who was so blunt in his attempts to make amends that it almost hurt. The boy was desperate for a new beginning in their messed-up relationship. Merlin knew why it was so important to him.

There was potential for friendship, even for a misanthrope like him – if he allowed people to approach him. The question was if he dared to accept what they offered. Friendship came with expectations and commitment, and meant opening oneself up for hurt, heartbreak and disappointment. He'd known that ever since he had called the woman at whose grave he was standing a mudblood. He had first lost her friendship, then Lily herself. Such a bitter loss.

Severus pulled out his wand and conjured a wreath, unaware of how much his gesture mirrored that of Hermione, who had done the same last year. It was a wreath of evergreens and white lilies, beautiful in it's simplicity. He briefly thought of adding a ribbon inscription, but desisted. He didn't really know what to say. 'Sorry' didn't even cover the basics, even if regret was the predominant feeling whenever he thought of her. He was sorry that she was dead, sorry for being partly responsible for the fact, sorry for having fulfilled his promise only by the letter, but never with his heart. Sorry for having lost her friendship, and sorry for the fact that she hadn't been able to love him the way he had loved her, a long time ago. But saying 'sorry' for acts that were more profound than accidentally bumping into someone was something he just couldn't do. The worse the offence, the less adequate he felt those words of apology to be.

He probably could have used the word for a ribbon inscription that he had once used with Albus: 'Always'. For he would always remember Lily, always miss her, and always carry these regrets. But he was afraid that Harry might misunderstand such a dedication. Albus surely had, believing that Severus was still pining over her. Severus had not made the effort to correct him. The only person he had felt the need to explain himself to had been Hermione.

Harry reached into the pocket of his coat and pulled out a floral arrangement that he had put together with Hermione's help earlier, and enlarged it again. He wasn't particularly good at conjuring, and even less talented at arranging flowers. Befitting the season, his wreath had fir and Christmas roses, amarillys and ivy. It didn't have an inscription, either. He put the wreath beside Severus' smaller one, looking solemn. For a moment, they remained standing there in silence, each lost in his own thoughts and memories.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" Harry asked then.

"Go for a walk?" Severus echoed dubiously. A rather peculiar request.

Harry blushed. "I thought we could talk..." he said, and launched into a rushed explanation, as if he wanted to get it all out before Severus could hex him. "Without the others, I mean. About my mum and about what happened that night. I really don't meant to pry, and if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, I understand. It's just that there is so much I don't understand, and I don't know who else to ask..."

"Breathe, Potter!" Severus commanded, shaking his head. People always talked to him as if they expected him to tear their heads off. Except Hermione, who didn't seem to have such concerns. Maybe word had not gotten out that, contrary to public opinion, he didn't eat children.

He sighed. It's not as if wasn't used to being asked all kinds of nosy questions lately. "You may ask, but I reserve the right not to answer," he conceded.

"Fair enough," Harry said, who could hardly believe his luck. He hadn't really expected his tight-lipped teacher to agree. He turned towards the northern exit of the graveyard, which led onto a small, bordering lane.

"Now, what is it that you want to know?" asked Severus as they were following the path, which only had few houses on the other side.

"I don't even know where to start," Harry sighed, running a hand through his already shaggy hair. "So many things that happened that night still don't make sense to me."

"At the beginning?" Severus suggested, only mildly sarcastic. "It's usually a good starting point."

"But it all began at least a year before that night – when you overheard Sybil making the prophesy. Why were you even in the Hogshead that day?"

"To apply for the position of 'Defense against the Dark Arts' teacher, of course. The position had been jinxed by the Dark Lord in the mid 1960's, and Dumbledore needed to find a new teacher every year."

"But weren't you doing your mastery in Potions at the time? Why then DADA?"

"Because Slughorn was still teaching Potions – he only went into retirement a year later. The DADA job was going to be free by summer, and the Dark Lord wanted me in Hogwarts. Had I gotten the position, he would have removed the jinx on it."

"But you didn't get it..."

"No. Dumbledore suspected that I had taken the Dark Mark. He didn't want me anywhere near the castle after having ended up with the jinxed position when interviewing a certain Tom Riddle years earlier. That's why he suggested to do the job interview in the Hogshead."

"Why do the interview at all, if he already knew that he was not going to give you the job?"

Severus shrugged. "To keep up appearances. And to fish for information. Thanks to the fact that I knew how to shield my mind, he didn't get any. The interview was rather short. I chose to hang about a little longer when I learned that he was going to do another interview with Sybil Trelawny. If nothing else, I was going to inform the Dark Lord whether or not she got the job."

"But you were caught listening at the door..."

"I wasn't listening at the door!" Severus said indignantly. "Or rather, I hadn't intended to. I was just on my way to the loo and passed the room when I suddenly heard a strange voice starting to speak. It stopped me dead in my tracks. Unfortunately, Aberforth saw me standing in there. He's always been rather distrustful and immediately came rushing out. He confronted me vociferously and tried to drag me away from the door. He made such a ruckus that I didn't hear the second half of the prophesy. Then the door flew open and Dumbledore came out, and I saw Sybil, who looked rather confused. I was told rather rudely to take my leave."

"But then Dumbledore must have known that you overheard the prophesy..."

"He suspected it, but he couldn't be sure. Aberforth assured him that he caught me right away, and Aberforth himself hadn't heard a thing. Besides, what could he have done about it?"

"Legilimised and oblivated you?" Harry offered.

Severus stared at him with raised brows. "Dumbledore surely could be ruthless if need be, and he had indeed tried to use Legilimency to find out how much I had heard. But he found that I had rather strong shields, and to overcome them, it would have needed much more force – an outright attack, in fact, in front of several witnesses, no less. Apart from that, Oblivate is not an easy spell to cast on a strong-minded person who is willing and able to defend himself. No, Dumbledore could only trust Aberforth and hope that I hadn't heard anything crucial to pass on."

Harry didn't object, but was silently wondering if Dumbledore had known – and had decided to let things take their course. If the prophesy had never reached Voldemort, neither he nor his parents would have become a target, he'd never have become 'the Chosen One' and would never have been made a weapon. Then what? Would Voldemort have succeeded and ruled the wizarding word? Or would it all have happened anyway, just because it had been predicted? Was it all fate, or had there ever been a chance to stop the things from developing as they had? He decided not to even think about it.

"You told me that you saw my mother once, before I was born...", he resumed the conversation. "Was it after you overheard the Prophecy?"

Severus nodded, his face mirroring the painful memories that were surfacing. "Yes. It was in April, about two months later."

"Why did you seek her out? I know you hadn't spoken to her in years..."

Of course, the boy had to ask that. But Severus really didn't know how to answer that question. He truly had no idea what had driven him to Godric's Hollow that evening. Probably the fact that his life had reached an all-time-low at the time. Unable to remain in denial about the Dark Lord's true goals and his character any longer, he had been utterly disillusioned, even despaired. He had wanted out, to turn his back and leave it all behind. But no one turned his back on the Dark Lord.

He hadn't been able to stop thinking how right Lily had been about everything, and how he wished that he had listened to her warnings. His associating with purebloodideologists had cost him everything that had ever been good in his life, and for what? To serve a madman on his way to world domination in a flock of sycophants? He had never been a religious man, but the urge to confess, to ask forgiveness, to seek deliverance had become overwhelming and had driven him to Lily. He had needed to see a friendly face, had longed to hear a kind voice and to speak to someone who was sane. Of course, he hadn't dared to really carry through with it; had just been standing there outside their house in the rain. But for some reason, Lily had looked out the window and seen him. And had pulled him inside.

"It was because of the prophesy, wasn't it?" Harry ventured a guess, when Severus still hadn't replied. "You sought her out to warn her about the danger they were in..." Harry very much wanted to believe that Severus had realised his horrible mistake and had come to set it right – as right as in any way possible. But to his surprise, his godfather shook his head.

"No. I had no idea that the prophesy even referred to a child or that it had anything to do with her. I had no idea until then that Lily was pregnant."

"You didn't know that it was about an unborn child?" Harry's brows had risen sceptically.

"If I had suspected it, don't you think the idea that the Dark Lord might approach the problem in King Herod's style would have occurred to me?" Severus stiffly asked back. "Telling him the prophesy could have condemned countless newborns to certain death." Severus still felt guilty about many things, but Harry's assumption that he would have sanctioned the cold-blooded murder of innocent children stung.

Harry's frown deepened. " 'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies...'" he cited. "Who else could it refer to but to an unborn child?"

"I only overheard the first half of the prophesy!" Severus vehemently explained. "The phrasing is different: 'The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies...' The word 'approaches' made neither me nor the Dark Lord think of a child waiting to be born. 'Born as the seventh month dies' could have referred to any living person whose birthday happened to be the end of July. The Dark Lord expected the danger to come from a young, but adult wizard, born to people who had defied him in the past. Unfortunately, there were quite a few potential candidates, and he set his Death Eaters on gathering information on all of them."

Severus paused before adding gravely: "That it might actually refer to a yet unborn child only occurred to me when I met your mother and found her expecting." He had felt an icy shiver run down his spine when he had heard Lily say that she and her husband had now thrice defied the Dark Lord in turning down his offers, and that she was starting to fear not only for their own lives, but also for that of her child, now that his birth date was approaching. The expressions used in context had made him realise what the prophesy could also mean. He had been almost relieved to hear her say that Alice Longbottom was pregnant, too, and expected to give birth at July's end, whereas Lily was due in early August.

"Oh! That explains it," said Harry, feeling relief. His godfather's cold indifference when passing on the prophesy had been hard to reconcile with the man he was just getting to know. With everything he had come to know about the man he had hated with such a vengeance all these years, with everything he'd seen in his memories, he had finally come to understand how his mother could have called him a friend. Yes, he could be mean, unfair and insulting, but fundamentally, Severus Snape was a decent person. "I know that you've not always done what is right... But you've never consciously done something so profoundly wrong, so morally reprehensible."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Like taking the Dark Mark and pledging loyalty to a narcissistic megalomaniac who was planning to take over the wizarding world?" he asked sarcastically.

"But it wasn't like that," Harry objected, taken aback by Severus' harsh reaction. "Voldemort wasn't as insane in the beginning as he was towards the end – I saw it in the memories Dumbledore showed me. Before he shredded his soul into pieces, he was a powerful, charismatic and over-ambitious wizard who had a real talent for knowing what made people tick, and who knew how to use that to his advantage."

"He certainly had a talent for spotting weaknesses and hidden desires and knowing how to exploit them best. But when I joined him, he had already murdered his entire family in cold blood, as well as Myrtle Warren, Hepzibah Smith and at least two other victims. He had already created five Horcruxes. He was hardly sane."

"Well, then why did you join him?" Harry challenged. "Did you know he was a murderer? I suppose he didn't go bragging about it... Did you know that with all this talk about Pureblood supremacy he actually meant the mass murdering of Muggleborns and their families? Did you realise he was a madman?"

No, of course Severus hadn't been aware of all that. It had been the zealots among the Dark Lord's followers who had voiced such things, never the Dark Lord himself. No matter what people thought about Purebloods – the majority of them did not condone the murder of innocent children, not even Muggleborns. They had just dreamed of a world where they wouldn't have to feel threatened by the breathtakingly fast evolving Muggle-world they could neither understand nor keep up with. They had wanted to set the rules for Muggleborns and force them into accepting and submitting to the old wizarding ways and traditions, not to wipe them out. They all had dreamed about being given the respect and the recognition they deserved, to live the lives they wanted without having to compromise or make concessions. For too long, Severus had kept his eyes shut, blissfully oblivious to the fact that some of them considered every means to accomplish their goals justified. When he had finally been unable to deny the truth any longer, he had been in too deep already.

"I'm not trying to justify that you joined their forces," Harry said, when Severus didn't answer. "But I know you didn't do it because you were indifferent about all those lives."

* * *

 **Here's a list of all those questions and plot-holes that I just couldn't stop wondering about, and which will be answered in this story:**

\- How could Severus Snape be so callous as to pass on the Prophesy when it put a death sentence on an innocent child?

\- Why did the Dark Lord wait over a year and a half before making his move on the Potters?

\- When and how did the Potters go into hiding?

\- Why was the Fidelius cast only so late, and why did Voldemort strike right after?

\- How did anyone know what had happened to the Potters as soon as it happened?

\- How is it possible that Dumbledore did not go there himself to investigate? Or did he?

\- How did Dumbledore know immediately that Harry needed to live with the Dursleys?

\- When did Dumbledore cast the spell on baby Harry that was necessary to form the 'Bond of Blood'?

\- How was Hagrid able to reach Godrics Hollow so fast, given that he couldn't apparate there?

\- Why and when did the Fidelius charm on the house fail so that Hagrid was able to enter the house?

\- How does the Fidelius work at all, and what exactly is 'Unplottability"?

\- Where was Harry in between being picked up by Hagrid and arriving at Privet Drive?

\- Since when did Dumbledore know about the Horcruxes?

\- Why would anyone believe that Sirius betrayed his best friend?

\- Why did Remus and Sirius suspected each other?

\- How was Sirius able to find Peter after his treason?

\- What happened to Voldemort's wand and body?

\- Why did Voldemort spend 12 years sulking in Albania, waiting for someone to find him there?

\- How could Peter and Quirrell have known to look for him in a remote forest in Albania in the first place?

\- How did Pettigrew manage to bring Voldemort his wand?

\- Why should Severus be the one to tell Harry about Voldemort's soul part in his scar?

\- How could Dumbledore fail to notice that his DADA Professor was possessed by Voldemort in Harry's first year?

\- Why did he move the Stone from Gringotts to Hogwarts and protected it so poorly?


	2. The Spy and the Traitor

_A/N: As there was so much introduction text in the first chapter, I failed to thank my two awesome beta-readers, who have helped me immensely with this story. As with all my stories **Dreamthrower** looked over grammatical issues and helped to put this into legible English, while **Certhia** checked everything for logical consistency and corrected the German version. I should also mention **AlwaysSS** at this point, who is a fellow writer on this site. She and Certhia indulged me with lengthy discussions about plot holes, theories and psychological evaluations of the characters, and shared their views and ideas with me._

 _Thank you very much, guys! It has been so much fun and I can't thank you enough for the wonderful work you have done!_

* * *

 **The Spy and the Traitor**

They continued walking in silence for a while, taking a right turn when the lane branched out. They were now following an unpaved field path that circled the outskirts of the village. It was shaded by trees and lined by bushes, and would probably be idyllic in summer. Right now, with the cold, the wind, and the drizzle, it was a bit uncomfortable.

Harry renewed the Impervius-Spell on his jacket, and belatedly, cast it on his head, too. He was slightly envious of the Potion Master's long and thick coat with its high collar, and wistfully noted that he had obviously not forgotten to cast the water and mist repelling charm on himself, given that his hair was still bone-dry.

"Did you tell my parents of the prophesy when you realised it might refer to their unborn child?" Harry eventually picked up their conversation again.

"Yes, I did." He couldn't have not told her – on realising that he might unknowingly have put a death sentence on the child in her womb, he had blanched, and Lily had noticed his turmoil. "She deserved to know, just in case... But at that point, we both considered it mere speculation that prophecy was truly about you. Lily was concerned, but not alarmed. But she bade me help protect you, saying I owed her that much for passing on the prophesy." Severus had not gainsaid her, knowing that he was responsible for many events that had ultimately led to this situation. Had Lily demanded that he end his life to atone for his deeds, he would have done that, too. It hadn't held much worth for him at that point, anyway. Instead, Lily had given him purpose, a mission, meaning. Little did he know that it would eventually become his burden.

"So when did the Dark Lord realise that the prophesy was about a child?"

"Only when Peter Pettigrew turned traitor – which was about three months after you were born. By bitter irony, it was Lily herself who gave him the idea. Pettigrew had told the Dark Lord what Lily had mentioned to her friends: That she feared her child might become a target. It had puzzled him – what interest did he have in a baby? But then he learned that you were born end of July, and made the connection to the prophesy. The Dark Lord was elated after finally having solved that riddle."

"And yet he didn't strike right away, but waited almost another year..." said Harry, perplexed. "Why?"

"For various reasons. He had also learned from Pettigrew that Alice Longbottom had given birth to a boy a day before Lily, and he wasn't entirely sure which boy the prophesy referred to. I guess he was waiting for some kind of clue. He didn't feel rushed – he didn't consider either of you a threat at that point. A three month old baby with powers to vanquish the Dark Lord? Laughable! He was rather amused to find that the enemy he had feared for months turned out to be a mere baby."

"Yes, that doesn't surprise me. Despite what the prophesy said, he never considered me his 'equal', not even after his return." Harry thought back to that night at the graveyard in Little Hangleton, when the Dark Lord had been reborn into his new, physical form. It had been terrifying and gruesome, at least for him, but Voldemort's dramatic staging had obviously been meant to be as entertaining as intimidating – the crowning conclusion of a drama, the great final act. He had taunted him, made fun of him, had even made him participate in a mock duel ... a 14 year old boy only half-way through his schooling. No, he had not taken him seriously. But even so, by decree of fate, Harry had defied him yet again.

"Right after his return," Severus continued explaining, "the Dark Lord thought the prophesy had already been fulfilled. After all, you had 'vanquished the Dark Lord' for eleven long years – which he still considered an unfortunate accident. But when you escaped him again, at that graveyard, he started getting concerned. That's why he was so eager to learn the second half of the prophesy."

"But back then, when he heard about the prophecy, he wasn't overly concerned about what the first part predicted?"

"He only feared the effect it might have on his followers. It went against the image of invincibility he had worked so hard to establish. He told no one of it, concerned it might make him look fallible in his follower's eyes. He eventually wanted to do away with you personally and discreetly, when the opportunity presented itself. Besides, it was too risky to strike at you in your home. There were strong protections in place: wards, shielding spells and anti-apparitions barriers which made the house a fortress. He couldn't attack without alerting the entire Order and turning Godric's Hollow into a battle ground. The risk of losses was too high."

"He could've used Pettigrew as a hitman. Honestly, if he hadn't been so intent on doing the job himself, he could've killed me multiple times – and my parents, too."

"For the time being, the rat was more useful as a spy. The Dark Lord thought he had ample time to find out which boy the prophesy referred to and act accordingly. At least, that's what he told me when he gloatingly informed me that it was either about the Longbottom's boy – or Lily's son."

Severus still remembered the conversation as if it had been yesterday. For the first time ever, he had lied to the Dark Lord – fully aware that it would cost him his life if he was caught. He hadn't known how to occlude properly, back then – he could only rely on his strong shields and pray that the Dark Lord would not decide to test them again, like he had done before sending him to apply for the DADA position. To convincingly deceive, Severus had tried to stay as close to the truth as possible, event to the point of admitting that he wasn't entirely indifferent towards Lily. He had confessed that he still remembered her in his heart as his only childhood friend, the only one who had ever treated him decently – before he had found true loyalty among the Dark Lord's followers, that is. And he had called her the girl who had broken his heart.

'Do you want me to spare her life then, Severus?' the Dark Lord had asked. 'Or do you wish me to exact revenge for what she did to you?'

Severus had pretended to ponder the question before he had eventually asked him to spare her – if only for old times sake and to make her regret the mistake of choosing Potter over him. Dumbledore had later blamed him for only having asked for Lily's life – not that of her son or her husband. As if he could have given the Dark Lord a valid reason for wanting her husband or her son alive! As if the Dark Lord would have spared the child destined to vanquish him because Severus had asked him to! Admitting that he wanted Lily to live had been dangerous enough.

"So that's when you defected..." Harry assumed, who had seen the meeting with Dumbledore on a hillside in the Scottish mountains in his teacher's memories. "You feared he might strike despite his assurances – and that he wouldn't spare my mother for you..."

"I couldn't be sure that he wouldn't make a move. The Dark Lord protected all information carefully, and I wasn't privy to all of his plans. But I knew now that you had become a target and that there must be a traitor in the Order – someone close to your parents. I needed to warn the Order."

Of course, it had also meant that he had to confess to Dumbledore that he had overheard the prophesy and passed it on to the Dark Lord, and had thus endangered the life of the woman he had loved. But putting her safety into the hands of the powerful wizard – the only one the Dark Lord had ever feared – had seemed their best option. Severus had been sure that Dumbledore would keep Lily and her son safe, once he knew of the danger they were in. He had just not expected that he would stipulate conditions.

'And what will you give me in return, Severus?' Dumbledore had asked, implying that he wouldn't lift a finger for the Potters if Severus wasn't willing to pay the price for their protection. He hadn't taken this attempt at blackmail seriously – surely, the leader of the free wizarding world would do anything in his power to protect the members of his Order out of his own volition. What Dumbledore hadn't known at the time was the fact that Severus had already pledged to protect Lily and her son, if need be with his life. 'Anything', he had truthfully answered.

It had taken some time to win Dumbledore's trust. The old man had insisted he learn Occlumency – a necessity if one wanted to betray the supposedly greatest Legilimens of all times. But also an opportunity for Dumbledore to attack Severus' mind and force himself into his memories again and again in the process of teaching him. And he had seen it all – his feelings for Lily, his hatred for Potter, his remorse, his regret, his despair. He had eventually also discovered the pledge that Severus had made, and that he had secretly been made godfather of Lily's son.

Severus had made him swear that he would never reveal his secret to anybody, least of all to the child it concerned. He wished for no emotional bond with the boy, who was the flesh and blood of his much hated arch-rival just as much as he was Lily's son. He had sworn to protect him, but it was something he'd do for Lily, not for Dumbledore, not for James and not for Harry himself. He had accepted the task as his penance. There wouldn't be any further demands, expectations or obligations, as were sure to follow if the truth ever became known to Harry.

'My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best of you?" Dumbledore had asked, and he had felt resentment at the fact that he considered Severus' responsibility for Potter's brat to be the best of him. Later he had come to realise that the old man – without even understanding the half of it – had been right. Accepting this responsibility had probably been the only selfless deed he had ever committed to. A sacrifice, for sure. An expression of loyalty, an act of devotion.

"But... Dumbledore – he didn't do anything, did he?" Harry asked, derailing Severus from his quiet introspection with his own thoughts. He sounded bitter, accusing. "The Fidelius wasn't cast until about a year later."

Severus understood his resentment. He had felt the same way, had needed somebody – anybody, really – to put the blame on, if only to relieve the guilt he felt himself. But while there were many things Dumbledore was guilty of, he couldn't have done more than he had to protect Lily. Her fate had been sealed the moment Pettigrew turned traitor.

"At that point, the Fidelius would have offered little additional protection to the security measures Dumbledore did put in place," he said gently. "Your parent's house had already become a fortress. Dumbledore stopped sending them out on order business and made them lay low. From what I heard, your father in particular didn't like it. There were Death Eater attacks all over the country, and he wasn't doing much to help fighting. By the beginning of the new year, Dumbledore persuaded your parents to go into hiding."

"How so?" Harry asked, looking puzzled. "They never left Godric's Hollow."

"No, they did not – but it was made to appear as if they had. The order put the house under a Muggle repellent charm, making it look like it had been abandoned, and spread the rumour that Lily and James had moved away."

Harry frowned. "But a Muggle Repellant Charm wouldn't have fooled a wizard. What would that accomplish?"

"Oh, it does fool a wizard, too – as long as he doesn't come into contact with the charm. The Leaky Cauldron looks as if it's abandoned to wizards as well, until they actually enter it."

"Hogwarts doesn't look like a ruin to a wizard, not even from afar," Harry pointed out what seemed to confute the assertion.

"What people see depends on the parameters defined by of whatever spell is used. The weakest one is a simple Deflection-Charm, like the one on the Leaky Cauldron, which makes it look like an vacant pub. The idea to enter it, however, will never cross a Muggle's mind. A much stronger protection is the Unplottable spell, which is similar to the Fidelius – it moves what is to be hidden into a different dimension for Muggles and replaces it with an alternative reality. Therefore, the object that was moved can not appear on a map – it simply doesn't exist. It's the same charm that was put on the War Memorial, on Azkaban, on Platform 9 3/4, and on Hogwarts. An archaeologist, if he somehow overcame the Deflection Charm, might explore the ruins of the castle, but he wouldn't bump into invisible walls. For him, the intact castle simply wouldn't exist. Likewise, no one in Hogwarts would see a Muggle roaming the grounds.'"

"Oh, that makes sense! I never really understood how Unplottablility worked, though Hermione tried to explain it to me. So the lot was made Unplottable?"

"No. Unplottability is a complicated spell that requires a team of wizards. It has to be Ministry approved, and Dumbledore certainly didn't want the Ministry involved. A simple Deflection-Charm has basically the same effect. You only need Unplottability if the place can't appear on a map or if you need more than a mere illusion. Making the Leaky Cauldron Unplottable wouldn't work – after all, Muggle parents still have to be able to access it with their children. A mere Deflection charm however wouldn't work with the War Memorial. It is totally different in form and shape than the statue, and an illusion would not have fooled falling snow. A pile of snow hovering in mid-air would've certainly been a dead give-away for Muggles that something was wrong with it. With your parent's house, it was sufficient to just keep Muggles from trying to enter it. They saw the house vacated, and every notion to think or talk about it was immediately dispelled. The illusion affected wizards the same way – at least until they touched anything covered by the charm."

"So did it fool Voldemort?"

"It might have, if it hadn't been for his secret informant, who had told him that it was a ruse. It must have amused the Dark Lord that your parents were now living in a cage. They couldn't leave the house in normal fashion anymore, unless sneakily in the dead of the night, and they couldn't apparate from inside the magical boundaries due to the Anti-Apparition wards. They could only leave via Floo network, but even that was risky, as the Dark Lord had supporters in the ministry and there was suspicion that some ministry workers were under the Imperius."

Severus had wondered what Dumbledore had hoped to accomplish with placing the illusion on the house and make it seem abandoned. It had only served to restrict the Potter's movement. But maybe that had been Dumbledore's intention. Maybe James had been reckless before, leaving the house when he shouldn't – just like at Hogwarts, so many years ago. It wouldn't have surprised him. By placing the charm, Dumbledore had certainly tied him down nicely.

"That's what my mum told to Sirius in a letter," mused Harry, who obviously had similar thoughts. "That my father was starting to get restless not being able to leave the house... Dumbledore had also borrowed his invisibility cloak."

"I'm sure the Dark Lord found this news quite entertaining. Fear alone kept your parents under control – they couldn't do anything to support the Order's fight against him. They were like sitting ducks, feeling safe while he was calmly taking his aim. And all the while, Dumbledore was trying to find the leak."

"You still didn't have any idea who the traitor was?"

"No. The Dark Lord was very careful about the information he shared – much like Dumbledore. He had hoped that isolating your parents would narrow the suspects down. But apparently, all it did was foster distrust among the Order. They lost the McKinnons, the Boneses and the Prewetts in the following summer due to inside information. That's what made Dumbledore suggest the use of the Fidelius charm on your parents' house. Not because he wanted to secure it against an outside attack – it was already protected against that – but to lock out the traitor."

"What a cruel twist of fate that they made the very person their Secret-Keeper the Fidelus charm was supposed to protect them from..." Harry said bitterly, and Severus could only tacitly agree. There was a lot of bitter irony in the events that finally led to the Potters' murder. So much in fact that he was inclined to believe in fate.

"Thanks to the Fidelius and thanks to the traitor who had given him the key, the Dark Lord could now walk into the house unhindered any time he wanted. All the other protections that were in place to keep intruders out didn't work for those who knew the secret." The Dark Lord must have laughed his head off when the rat told him that he was the one in whose hands the Potters had entrusted their safety. The opportunity was too great to let it pass. "The fact that the Dark Lord chose to strike on Halloween was no coincidence. He always believed that all magic was more powerful on that particular date."

Harry and Severus reached another crossroad and turned towards the town centre again. The lane they were on was paved now, but obviously not highly trafficked. There were many cracks and holes in which grass had started to grow. When they came around a curve, Severus felt a tightening in his chest. He knew this street. The Potters' house would be just around the next bend, the first in the row. Or the last, if one approached it coming from the village. Was it coincidence that their feet had taken them this way? Or had Harry led him here on purpose?

But no, Harry clearly was surprised when the house came into view. He audibly sucked in his breath and stiffened. "I didn't know it was this way," he said, stopping dead in his tracks. "We came from the other side... last year." He pointed down the lane. "There's Bathilda Bagshot's house over there, about five houses down the lane, on the opposite side."

"Where Nagini was lying in wait for you..." Severus murmured, remembering what Hermione had told him about her nightmares. "The Dark Lord knew you wold seek her out sooner or later when Skeeter published that book about Dumbledore. It's a miracle that you got away again alive."

"It was a narrow escape. Trying to get away from the snake, we jumped out of a window and Hermione apparated us away in mid-flight... I wasn't even fully conscious at the time."

"She apparated both of you mid-flight?" asked Severus incredulously. An impressive feat. Not many wizards or witches were able pull it off. He didn't even know a handful. One needed a very clear mind and immense powers of concentration to get the focus right. To do so while under attack – and to side-along another person at that... incredible. She was one frightening witch.

"I had no wand and Voldemort was approaching," remembered Harry, shuddering. "If she hadn't managed to do so, we would have been killed for sure." He recalled the vision he had had right the moment they had jumped... of Voldemort standing at this very gate and looking through these very windows. They were clouded or cracked now, but there had been light inside, back then, and Harry had seen his father and mother through Voldemort's eyes. Standing in front of the house now brought it all up again. He was immensely grateful for his godfather's presence, though he certainly wouldn't tell him so.

They stood watching from a distance, as if unsure whether to approach the house or not. Severus assumed that a stronger Muggle Repellant Charm must have been re-cast on the house at some point after the attack. It looked in worse shape than it actually ought to be. The whole upper floor was a heap of ruins, the roof practically gone. There was no reason for this level of destruction.

Severus resumed walking towards the house, and hesitantly, Harry followed. It was obviously and understandably difficult for him, but he had been the one to suggest this trip in to face their past. Merlin knew why. This place really held no positive memories for either of them. To Severus, it spoke of despair, loss, fear and disaster.

As soon as Harry touched the gate, the Muggle Repellent Charm lifted and the house transformed from that of a ruin to a basically intact building. The only damage was on the right side of the upper floor, where the backlash of the curse had made the outer wall collapse. A sign with an inscription became visible, informing wizards about whose house this had been and what had happened here. Harry had seen it before, the night he had stood here with Hermione. But they hadn't entered the house at the time.

Resolutely, Harry pushed the gate open and walked through. He wanted to see how his parents had lived – and how they had died.

* * *

 _A/N: Are you still with me? I realise that this is a bit experimental as far as the storyline goes... meaning there isn't really one. :) I guess I could've put my theories into an essay, but this conversation is going to take place in the Christmas story anyway, so I figured I might as well write it. Before you send me flames that it's boring and lacking in action, please keep in mind that the intent is to answer questions and fill plot holes. We'll be getting to the events of the Halloween night in the next chapter._


	3. The Fidelius, the Sacrifice & the Bond

**The Fidelius, the Sacrifice and the Bond of Blood**

This time, it was his godfather who followed a bit more reluctantly as Harry walked up to the front door – or rather, what remained of it. It hadn't been repaired after Voldemort had blasted it. Why should it be – there was nothing inside. The house had been cleared out, the furniture and all their possessions sold. The gold now rested safely in Harry's vault at Gringotts.

They entered the hallway, which had gathered an impressive layer of dust. To their left lay the living room, where his father had been playing with him before Voldemort had burst in and killed him, right in this hallway. In fact, Harry might be standing at the very spot where his father's body had fallen.

He turned to the stairs.

"Wait..." Severus' hesitant voice held him back. "Are you sure you really want to go up there?"

He looked slightly pale. Harry suddenly realised how much harder it must be for him to be back here. Harry himself had no conscious memories of the attack. He only knew what he had seen in Voldemort's memories and what people had told him. But Severus...

"You were here that night... I saw it in the memories you gave me in the Shrieking Shack..."

The man he had up to then believed to be his enemy had cradled his mother's body in his arms and had cried – it had been heart-breaking. Harry had never deemed it possible that his cold and disdainful teacher was capable of such emotion.

Severus didn't say anything for a moment. Talking, even thinking about that particular moment was something he always avoided. Harry hadn't been meant to see that particular memory. But when his shields had fallen, he hadn't been able to control the flow of the memories he'd kept locked up behind them for so long. He had just wanted to tell the boy the truth about what had happened and what still remained to be done. And he had wanted him to know that he had always been on their side. But once the dam had broken, everything had gushed out, with his most emotional moments leading the way. He probably would have died of embarrassment about what Harry had captured in those vials if he had known at the time that he'd survive.

"Yes, I was here," he finally said, struggling to find his voice. Coming back here was harder than he had imagined, considering that over 18 years had passed since then.

"Why?" Harry asked, who had paused at the stairway. Voldemort had come alone. He wouldn't have brought the man along who had asked him to spare the life of the woman whose child he was about to kill.

Severus leaned against the wall, obviously seeking support, and briefly closed his eyes. Harry was surprised and oddly moved to see the seemingly impassive, invulnerable man show even such a small gesture of weakness. Contrary to what the majority of people thought to know about him, he was not above human suffering.

"There was a gathering at Malfoy Manor that evening to celebrate the All Hallows feast," Severus began to tell with a halting voice. "The Malfoys were brimming with excitement because the Dark Lord had promised to grace them with his presence. When he failed to show up, however, I had a sense of foreboding."

He had been restless and concerned all day – it was All Hallow, a date the Dark Lord ascribed power to, and just like the year before, Severus had felt the underlying fear that the he might make a strike, even though he had given no such indication, not to him, not to anybody, as far as Severus knew.

"I excused myself from the party, saying that I had to get back to Hogwarts, and apparated straight here. I didn't expected to see anything but an empty house, given that it was under the Fidelius, but while I was standing there, outside the gate, still pondering what to do now and wondering if I was being paranoid, there was flash of green light and the sound of an explosion, and then everything popped into view."

"The Fidelus failed the moment the house was damaged?" Harry sat down on the stairs. He had always wondered about that. The Fidelius charm on Grimmauld Place hadn't been affected by Sirius' death, not even by the death of the Secret Keeper a year later. Hagrid, who had been the first to arrive here, should not have been able to set foot into his parents' house.

"Yes. The Fidelius charm is embedded in the physical structure of the building, while the key to unlock it is hidden in the Secret-Keeper. If the structure is damaged, it damages the spell."

Harry frowned. "But doesn't that make the Fidelius a rather weak protection? Why not simply fire some blasting spells at the hidden building, if a little structural damage is all it takes to bring it into view?"

Severus shook his head. "You didn't listen, Potter. Just like the Unplottable charm, the Fidelius does not simply make a house invisible or place an illusion on it. It literally moves it into a space that is not part of your universe if you haven't been given the key, and replaces it with an alternate reality. Think of Grimmauld Place: There is no empty lot between No. 11 and No. 13. For Muggles and those who don't know the secret, the house simply doesn't exist, even if they know it ought to be right in front of their noses. Death Eaters would only have found an abandoned house on this lot. Even if they had torn it down, it wouldn't have affected the house your parents were residing in. So no, any damage to the building could only have been inflicted from the inside."

Severus had known that he was too late right away. The 'Homo Revelio' he had cast had revealed only one living soul inside the building, and without realising the stupidity of such a move, he had immediately rushed into the house. Had he paused to think about it, he could only have drawn one conclusion: That the Potters were all dead and that the Dark Lord was celebrating his victory inside. But Severus hadn't been capable of rational thinking. He had just reacted. Against all odds, he had hoped...

But just as he had known deep in his gut even before rushing through the broken door, he had found them dead: First Potter right there, near the entrance to the living room, then Lily upstairs. He hadn't even taken notice of the Dark Lord's remains at the wall right behind the open door, where it had been thrown by the backlash of the blast that had made the outer wall collapse.

"You found my mum..."

Severus' impermeable mask fell into place. He avoided Harry's gaze. "I do not wish to talk about it."

The memory of his complete breakdown was a most private one, which nobody should ever have witnessed. Severus had never again given in to sorrow and despair as he had when he had held Lily's dead body in his arms. It was the last time ever he had cried. He had felt as if the world had come to end. Everything he had gone through in the last year... the lies, the spying, the charade... his constant fear of being discovered, the strain of weighing each and every word, of suppressing his every emotion... He had thought it was his penance, the atonement for the guilt that was eating him up inside. He had thought that by protecting her – by protecting them – he could have righted his wrong: Joining the Death Eaters, accepting a vile branding in is skin and making Lily a target. But it had all been for naught. He had failed. Severus had been so devastated that he had not even understood at first that it was all over – that the Dark Lord's power had been broken and that he finally was gone. And even when he had realised it, he had not been able to rejoice about the fact. He had just felt a vast emptiness.

"What about Voldemort?"

"His rather damaged corpse was upstairs, too. We had a hard time making sense of what had happened to him at first."

"We?"

"Dumbledore and I. I sent him my Patronus... as soon as I was able to." He hadn't managed to call upon it at first. As if he'd just been kissed by a Dementor, there were no happy memories left. It was only thanks to his Occlumency shields that he had finally managed to shove it all into a chest and bog in one of the dark sloughs in his mind-scape. And still, for many years after, it had refused to stay under, resurfacing in every moment of weakness and leaking into his consciousness.

"Dumbledore was here?" Harry asked, bemused. "But it was Hagrid who pulled me from the rubble..."

Severus quirked an eyebrow. "You think that Dumbledore, on hearing that your parents and the Dark Lord lay dead in your Fidelius-protected home and that you had mysteriously survived an attack that left part of the house destroyed, wouldn't immediately come to investigate what on Earth had happened, but sent Hagrid, of all people?"

"Well, if you put it like that... I guess it's one of the things I just took at face value and never really thought about. But of course Dumbledore must have wanted to see Voldemort's dead body and not leave him and my parents for Muggles to find. Which begs the question why the place wasn't swarming with Muggles already... One would think that an explosion that brought down an entire wall would have been hard to miss, and with the Fidelius gone the damage must have been visible..."

"No, the Muggle-repellant charm was not only on the house, but on the entire lot and didn't fail. Muggles still saw an abandoned house. Though when the emergency squad of the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes arrived later to deal with the aftermath, they must have made the whole lot Unplottable. The house looks a lot more ramshackle now than it did while it was under the Fidelius charm."

"The house is now Unplottable? So, right now, we can't bee seen by neighbours because we're in a kind of other dimension for them?"

Severus nodded. "I presume the Ministry decided to make it Unplottable because they already suspected it might become a pilgrimage site. Flocks of strangely clad people moving around in the ruin on a regular basis would surely draw attention of Muggles, despite a Notice-Me-Not charm. Besides, there is always the rare Muggle who is immune to it. Unplottability makes sure no one can desecrate the house. Even if the ruin that Muggles see in its stead was torn down, this house would remain untouched."

"I want to go upstairs and see where it happened," said Harry, standing up. He paused. A note of hesitance crept into his voice. "You don't have to... if you don't want to, but..."

He didn't finish the sentence, but his eyes told the entire story. He didn't want to face it alone. Gryffindors! Always so blatantly obvious. Severus pushed himself away from the wall. "Doubtlessly, you're going to have more questions for me. I might just as well answer them upstairs." There wouldn't be much to see. The pictures were all in his head. It didn't matter where he revived them.

They both climbed the stairs. Harry's room was the last on the right. The door was still intact, though withered and warped. The reason became clear when Harry managed to push it open. A part of the opposite exterior wall had collapsed, leaving a hole in the roof and exposing the room to the elements.

Now that he saw everything in front of him, Harry could recall in vivid detail the pictures Severus had bequeathed him with his tears after being near-fatally wounded in the Shrieking Shack. Right there, opposite the door, was where his cot had stood. And here, facing the door, his mother's slain body had lain on the floor. But even though Harry was now seeing the place with his own eyes, it all remained strangely vague – as if it hadn't happened to him. It was probably due to the fact that he had no first hand memories of it. He had only seen it happen through the eyes of other people. Maybe he should be grateful for that.

"What made the wall collapse?" Harry asked. "Avada Kedavra doesn't even leave traces on bodies – I've never heard of it damaging buildings."

"The reverse spell Dumbledore performed on the Dark Lord's wand revealed that he had cast three killing curses. Yet there were only two dead bodies, not counting his own. It was obvious that your parents had been killed with an Avada Kedavra. Given that you were alive and the Dark Lord was dead, the Unforgivable he had cast on _you_ must have been deflected somehow. The brunt of its force must have been diverted around you by some kind of protective shield, and thus directed towards the outer walls behind you, which made them collapse. It looked like the backlash had thrown the Dark Lord into the wall behind him." Severus pointed to a spot behind the door. "This is where we found his body. It was apparent that he hadn't died from the impact, but that the killing curse had rebounded on him – as hard as that was to believe."

"What had happened to his body? I never heard that they found one..."

"The Ministry officials destroyed it. They wanted to make sure that his followers could not try to resurrect him by using Dark Magic and his mortal remains. It was Dumbledore who had pushed for it. He warned them back then that the Dark Lord might return, but of course, no one had taken him seriously. But destroying the body had seemed wise for various reasons."

"Dumbledore had suspected even then that Voldemort would return?" Harry asked, wheels starting to turn in his head. "How would he know? Had he suspected that my scar was a Horcrux?" If that had been the case, he should also have considered the possibility that there might be others, which in turn should have made him start his search into Voldemort's past right there and then. He would have had twelve years to accomplish what Harry, Hermione and Ron had needed to do in just one – finding the remaining Horcruxes and destroying them all. His return could've been prevented.

"I don't think he suspected such a possibility before you started speaking Parseltongue in your second year," said Severus, who had guessed in which direction Harry's thoughts might have drifted. "The knowledge of Horcruxes is not common. But even if he had known, Dumbledore would have kept his suspicions to himself. Who knows what the Ministry would have decided to do about it otherwise? They wouldn't have hesitated to try and destroy it to make sure _He_ wouldn't return – even at the risk of killing you in the process."

Harry didn't seem convinced. "But what else could have made Dumbledore believe that Voldemort was not gone for good?" he asked, a challenge in his tone that was not directed at Severus, but a at the man he had served for fifteen years. While he wished that there might be a logical explanation, he didn't want to be lied to – even at the risk that the perfect image of the great, wise wizard would crack.

"I believe it was the prophesy that made him suspect it: ' _And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not.'_ It was just what had happened that night. The Dark Lord had marked you, and thanks to your mother's sacrifice, you now had a power the Dark Lord never understood. And given that the prophesy had proved to be right about that part, I can only assume that Dumbledore was convinced that everything else would also happen as predicted: _'Either must die at the hand of the other, for neither can live while the other survives.'"_

Harry frowned. "You said yourself that Voldemort, who only knew the first half of the prophesy, believed that it had already come to pass when he vanished. Why would Dumbledore think differently? Even the second part seemed to have been fulfilled: Voldemort had died at my hands, and I had survived."

Severus shook his head. "On the contrary. The Dark Lord had not died at your hands, but rather at his own. And while you survived, the prophesy claims that he 'cannot live'. But that's rather ominous, isn't it? 'Not being able to live while' is something entirely different from 'being dead'. In fact, the last line seemed to give a clear warning that the Dark Lord's death was not what had occurred that evening. And ' _either must die at the hand of the other_ ' clearly indicated a future confrontation. Dumbledore had had about a year's time to study the prophesy and figure out what it might mean for you – he would have concluded that the danger was not over."

Harry wasn't entirely convinced. If Dumbledore had feared that Voldemort might return, it should have made him question how he could have accomplished cheating death. Were there other ways to return except by creating Horcruxes? Lost in thought, Harry left what used to be the nursery and moved down the hallway to look into the other rooms. The one right next to his must have been his parents' bedroom.

"How did Dumbledore know that my mother had sacrificed herself in the first place?" Harry inquired, intent on getting to the bottom of things. Severus had remained in the hallway, silently watching Harry as he moved around. "It sounds like a lot of guesswork."

"You had traces of an ancient protective magic all over you – sacrificial magic. We had a good idea what had happened even before Dumbledore went into your mind to witness the events through your eyes. As children have no shields, using Legilimency on them is easy and painless, but the memories are a bit fuzzy if not viewed in a Pensieve. But what he saw in your memory confirmed his guess: That Lily, in sacrificing herself for you, protected you from the killing curse, making it rebound on Voldemort instead."

So Dumbledore had used Legilimency on him... Under the circumstances, Harry couldn't blame him for that. Had he deleted Harry's memories afterwards or had they simply faded with time? Harry didn't have any pictures in his mind that showed his mom standing protectively in front of him and refusing to step aside. All he remembered was her scream and the flash of green light. "I never really understood how that spell worked..." he muttered. "Voldemort not being able to touch or kill me because she died in my stead – it sounded pretty esoteric to me. "

"It's not a spell," Severus corrected. "The protection is brought about by an act of will. Lily consciously gave her life to protect yours after having been given a choice. The Dark Lord, so it seemed, had kept the promise he made to me and had offered to spare her life, which enabled her sacrifice. It would have remained a one-time occurrence, if Dumbledore had not recognized the ancient magic that was at work here and took the chance to cement it with a blood bonding charm he cast on you."

"He used blood magic on me?" Harry asked, aghast.

"No, not blood magic, Potter, as that requires the spilling of blood and is therefore considered a Dark Art. The 'Bond of Blood' is basically a magical adoption. It made it possible for Dumbledore to extend the sacrificial protection and anchor it in your aunt."

That explanation was even more shocking. "I was magically adopted by my aunt?" Harry's eyes went wide.

"As little as you might like it, yes. She was the only person in whom the maternal protection evoked by Lily's sacrifice could be bound, as Petunia shared your mother's blood. By accepting guardianship, accepting a mother's responsibility – to give you a home, to give you shelter, to protect you – Petunia took your mother's place. As long as you were a minor in her care, Lily's protection persisted."

Harry snorted. "My aunt never acted as my mother. She never even considered me family."

"She must have," Severus objected. "Otherwise the magic wouldn't have taken hold. I know Petunia. She had always been jealous of her sister, but she had also loved her. She just had come to hate everything that set Lily and her apart. Dumbledore explained everything to her in a letter, making it very clear that by taking you in, by stepping into your mother's place, she gave you a strong protection against the one who had killed her sister. She could have refused, and Lily's sacrifice would have remained a one-time salvation, the Bond of Blood would never have activated. But she didn't."

Was it true? Had Petunia taken him in out of love and loyalty for her sister? Had she been fully aware of the fact that she was saving his life by doing so? But why save it only to make it miserable?

Severus sounded bitter when, unwittingly, he answered Harry's silent question: "What Dumbledore with all his rambling about love failed to understand, is that loving someone doesn't necessarily equal treating him decently." One could love and hate someone with equal measure. Severus had seen it with his parents. And in a certain way, he had experienced it himself in his relationship with Dumbledore. "Petunia had loved Lily, but she was still mean and spiteful to her. Why should she treat you differently? Giving you food and shelter was enough to fulfil her primary obligation of a parent. Love was not a requirement."

Once again, Harry could only shake his head at the irony of it all. With Petunia and Severus, he had had two people in his life who had obviously gone to all the bother of protecting him, but still had strongly disliked him and treated him like shite. Though at least with his godfather, he became more and more hopeful there was a way to better this relationship.

"So I had to go back to the Dursleys once a year just so that Petunia could sort of act in my mother's stead by giving me food and shelter..." Harry resumed, wishing someone had bothered to explain it back then. Dumbledore had presumed too much – had somehow forgotten that Harry had not been born into the wizarding world and had no inherent understanding for these concepts. But then he doubted that Ron would have understood any better. Dumbledore had often cloaked his wisdom in mystery.

"Yes," Severus confirmed, exhibiting a lot more patience that Harry would have ever given him credit for. "Only while you were a child in her care, the Dark Lord literally could not touch you. His magic did not work properly against you."

Harry wondered what might have happened if Voldemort had tried to kill him with non-magical means and without touching him – like a gun. Would the magical protection have recognized it as an extension of his hands? It was probably a good thing that the idea never crossed his mind.

He opened the next door. A bathroom. He was glad that someone had emptied the house. He had no idea how he would have felt if he had found toothbrushes, a hairbrush or half-empty shampoo bottles standing around.

"What some considered sheer dumb luck when you escaped him again and again, was your mother's protective magic hovering over you," Severus said, qualifying his statement by adding: "Well, that, and a few added perks, like the brother's wand and the fact that the Dursleys' house was basically Unplottable to Voldemort."

"Aunt Petunia's and Uncle Vernon's house was made Unplottable?"

"No, this particular charm works only against Muggles. If you wish to hide something magically from wizards, your only means is the Fidelius charm. Obviously, they couldn't do it with the Dursleys' house. But it wasn't necessary. The protection of your mother made sure that in your home, were her blood dwelled, you couldn't be harmed by him. From what I understood, the Dark Lord was unable to even locate the place."

Harry frowned. "What about his Death Eaters?"

"I know for sure that he sent them after you in the summer after his return. But they were unable to find even the street. The ended up roaming the neighbourhood without ever getting close to Privet Drive. It's as if it didn't exist. I don't know if it was an exceptionally strong Confundus charm, or if somehow, the entire street had become Unplottable to the Dark Lord and those who acted on his orders. But it kept him away. That's why he arranged for the Dementors."

"It looks like they couldn't find Privet Drive, either," Harry said. "They got me a few blocks down from there, in Magnolia Crescent."

"Which is why Dumbledore had you brought to Grimmauld Place. He wasn't entirely sure how much the fact that the Dark Lord had taken your blood for his resurrection had affected the magical protection your mother had given you."

"When he used my blood to create his new body... it changed something. After that, he was able to touch me. But Dumbledore still was oddly elated when I told him what Voldemort had done."

"Yes, because by doing so, unknowingly and quite unintentionally, the Dark Lord gave you the ultimate protection. Without his intervention, your mother's protection would have faded once you reached maturity, but by taking your blood into himself while the protective magic was still bound in it, he made himself a vessel. He became your Horcrux."

"What?" choked Harry, and his mouth fell open in shock.

"Well, maybe I should call it a reverse Horcrux, because in many ways, it was an exact antithesis," Severus toned down his outrageous statement. "Although the result was similar: Your mother's protection in his blood tethered you to this plane just like a Horcrux would have, at least as long as it was the Dark Lord who tried to kill you. The creation process, however, is the exact opposite. When creating a Horcrux, you must take another person's life with the intention of preventing your own death. For sacrificial protection, you must give your own life with the intention of preventing the death of another. When Voldemort created his Horcruxes, he tore pieces from his soul and diminished in the process. When your mother sacrificed herself for you, a part of her – her magical protection – stayed with you and strengthened you. Both, the soul pieces and the sacrificial protection, need a vessel outside of your own body to persist. Petunia became an anchor for your mother's magic, but it was bound to her role rather than her blood and was thus only temporary. The Dark Lord literally took your blood – _Lily's_ blood – into himself. By doing so, he made sure that the protective magic that prevented him from killing you lived on in his body. The rather absurd consequence was this: As long as he lived, he could not kill you. And because of his Horcrux inside _you_ , you could not kill him while you lived."

"Neither could die at the hand of the other while the other survived," murmured Harry, wondering if it was the same or the exact opposite to what the prophesy claimed. But then, he had never fully understood that line anyway. "But I wasn't immortal. And Voldemort _did_ kill me in the end."

"Not really. You sacrificed yourself. And because of your mother's protection, you were given a choice. Your soul was able to return into your body, which is more than the Dark Lord had achieved with his Horcruxes. When he died while they still existed, his soul was bound to this Earth, but it didn't have a physical body anymore. Surely a major flaw in his plans to achieve immortality."

Yes, doubtlessly so. Harry briefly wondered what would have happened if Voldemort had incinerated his body after casting his 'Avada Kedarvra', leaving his soul no vessel to return to. Would he have remained behind like Voldemort had – less than a ghost, a whip of smoke? He'd rather not think about it. He'd have preferred death over such a form of existence.

Harry opened the door to the last room on this floor. A spare bedroom. Had they planned for another child? Would he have had brother and sisters, if they had lived? He knew so little about their lives and their dreams. Finding nothing here that could tell him more about them, Harry made for the stairs again.

* * *

 _The Potters' house_

 _The current condition of the Potter cottage is a bit hard to determine. In 'Deathly Hollows' (book), when Hermione and Harry are looking at the cottage, they see that_

 _"most of the cottage was still standing, (...), but the right side of the top floor had been blown apart (...) where the curse had backfired."_

 _"His touch on the gate seemed to have done it. A sign had risen out of the ground in front of them (...) 'This house, invisible to Muggles, has been left in its ruined state as a monument..'"_

 _In the movie, however, when Hermione and Harry are standing in front of the building, the entire upper floor is a wreck, the roof basically gone. They also never touched the gate._

 _In Deathly Hallows , we see Severus approaching the house in the night of Halloween, in which the house is slightly damaged._

 _To create a logical consistency, I'm assuming the following:_

 _The first muggle repellant charm that was cast placed an illusion on the building, showing it abandoned to Muggles and Wizards alike (as long as the latter didn't touch the gate). It was supposed to support the rumour that the Potters had moved away, while in truth, they were still living there in hiding._

 _When the Fidelius was cast, it moved the house into a different dimension for wizards and Muggles alike, exchanging it with a 'replacement building': an empty and now slightly damaged house, just like what Snape saw when he arrived in Godric's Hollow shortly before Voldemort cast the killing curse and shortly before the Fidelius fell. (I'm just assuming here that the String theory about multiverses holds true and that it would have been easy to find a fitting replacement building in one of the other dimensions. :) How's that supposed to work? Don't know. :) It's magic!)_

 _In the aftermath of the Halloween attack, the Ministry Task Force team made the entire lot unplottable to Muggles and created a 'virtual reality building' that looked utterly ruined. (Either to nip any Muggle's idea to rebuild it in the bud or because they simply can't do anything but ruins for a replacement. After all, a ruin is what Muggles see when they look at Hogwarts.) This is what Hermione and Harry saw when approaching the house, but before touching the gate (which was never shown in the movie)_

 _The Potters 'in hiding'_

 _We are told that the Potters were in hiding long before the Fidelius was cast, though it isn't explained what exactly that means. We know that for Christmas 1980, Petunia somehow sends 'a fugly vase' to Lily for Christmas. As Petunia would hardly have used an owl, it must have been delivered by regular mail, which means that Petunia obviously knew their address and the house must have still been visible to the Muggle mailman at that point._

 _Since hiding normally means 'being where no one can see you' and 'no one knows where you are', something must have happened to the Potters and their house in between Christmas 1980 and Fall 1981, when it was put under the Fidelius and really hidden from the rest of the world._  
 _Making it seem as if they had moved away while hiding them in a house that was made to look abandoned was the only logical explanation I could come up with._

 _Voldemort's body_

 _There's more to this question than one would think. Was there a body? There had to be! For one, because Avada Kedavra does not cause physical damage. It's weird enough that the wall collapsed when his curse backfired. But if had pulverised his body, neither the house, nor Harry or Voldemort's wand should have survived the destruction._

 _The second reason is this: Without the proof of a body, how could the ministry people have been so convinced of Voldemort's death that the Daily Prophet proclaimed it and people celebrated in the streets?_

 _There was scant evidence for his demise: Priori Intantatem could only have revealed that three Avadas had been cast with this wand. Added to that, there were two victims, a destroyed wall and a lost child, the absence of which Dumbledore would have had to explain later. The ministry people never even saw Harry! I fail to understand how they could have come to the conclusion that Harry survived an Avada Kedavra._

 _So if we presume that the ministry people must have seen the body in order to deduce that an Avada had backfired and killed the Dark Lord, Harry was absolutely right to wonder why Dumbledore was so sure that he would be back. Because of the prophesy? Or did Dumbledore in deed have suspicions regarding Harry's very prominent scar? Either way, he should have drawn the conclusion that Voldemort must have created Horcruxes, for as far as we know, there is no other way to return once you're dead._

 _The 'Bond of Blood'_

 _The fact that Dumbledore puts this charm on Harry to extend his mother's protection is the best proof I have for my claim that Dumbledore must have been in Godric's Hallow with Harry before meeting him again at Privet Drive the following night, as he never casts a charm on him while there._

 _I tried to stay as close as possible to this explanation on the Harry Potter Wiki: The sacrifice creates a lingering protection in the blood of the person who was saved. It is not activated, however, until the (Bond of Blood) charm is actually cast, and it is not sealed and functioning until another member of the family accepts the saved person as his or her own."_


	4. The Keeper of Keys & the Secretkeeper

**The Keeper of the Keys and the Keeper of the Secret**

"What happened after you and Dumbledore established what had occurred and he performed the blood bonding charm on me?" Harry asked while scouting the ground floor. Besides the kitchen, pantry and dining room, there was one extra room – probably a study – and a guest bathroom. And, of course, the living room, the windows of which faced out to the front yard.

"Dumbledore apparated back to Hogwarts and sent Hagrid for you," Severus responded, sitting down on the wide windowsill of a bay window. "I was to stay with you just until he arrived to make sure you were safe."

Harry opened the door under the stairs. For a moment, he felt transported back to the Dursleys. The room looked familiar. But then again, that would probably be true for all storerooms underneath a stairway. "Why didn't he take me back himself?"

"Because he didn't want the Ministry to become aware of his meddling. No one could know that I had been there either, if my cover was to remain intact. So Dumbledore trotted out the same lie he told Hagrid when he got back to Hogwarts: That he had just received an urgent floo call from Bathilda Bagshot, informing him that there had been an attack on the Potter's house, that the Fidelius had been broken and that she could hear you crying inside. Supposedly, she was too scared to check out for herself what had happened, fearing there might still be Death Eaters in the house."

"So the ministry wizards never even saw me..."

Severus nodded and watched his godson as he closed the door to the storeroom again and looked into the guest bathroom. He wondered what the boy was looking for. This house was just an empty shell. Nothing of what had made it a home remained. It was rather oppressive.

"No. The whole point of this was to keep you out of their hands," confirmed Severus. "Dumbledore didn't want anybody to see you while the traces of sacrificial magic on your body were still so fresh, so he had to hide you at least for the next 24 hours. If this protection was to be your weapon, he wanted it to remain a secret. By telling Hagrid to move you to a safe place, he could claim truthfully that he had no clue about your current whereabouts. He also wanted to prevent you from ending up in Black's custody at all costs."

"Because he believed Sirius to be the traitor and wanted Petunia to take me in so that the Bond of Blood could take hold..." concluded Harry, who was now entering the living room. It was bright and spacious. A huge fireplace had probably been used for Floo-travel and Floo-calls. On its left and right, shelves were mounted into the wall. He could well imagine that they had once been full of books, photo frames and other decorative odds and ends.

"Everything pointed to Sirius being the culprit. Dumbledore had been suspicions of him even before the attack. But Black was also your official guardian, and since Dumbledore had no proof, he feared that the Ministry might accept his guardianship over you. So Dumbledore made sure that old Bathilda supported his version of events, apparated back to Hogwarts and told Hagrid to collect you."

And until he got there, his most hated teacher had been standing guard over his crib... Had he picked Harry up and tried to soothe him? Not by any stretch of the imagination could Harry picture it. How long could it have taken Dumbledore to apparate back to Hogwarts, find Hagrid, explain what had happened and for Hagrid to come here?

"How did Hagrid even get here?" Harry asked, suddenly stumbling over the next mystery concerning the night. "He can't apparate, is far too big to get into any ordinary fire place and too heavy to ride a broom or a Thestral."

"Flying there by conventional means would have taken far too long considering that there was a baby to rescue," Severus replied. "Even Hagrid would have questioned that – he didn't know that someone was watching over you. No, Fawkes brought him here. Phoenixes have magic of their own – their flight is similar to Apparition, and they can carry huge weights. Fawkes often served as means of transport for Hagrid."

Ah – that finally explained how Hagrid had reached Harry and the Dursleys on that island when he had brought the Hogwarts letter. When Harry had asked him, he had indeed claimed to have flown there.

"Fawkes was to carry both of you to a place Hagrid thought safe to hide while Dumbledore made arrangements for you to live with relatives of your mother," Severus elaborated. "Dumbledore just told him to bring you to Little Whinging the next night."

"Do you know where Hagrid took me in the meanwhile?"

"From what Hagrid told us later, to his childhood home. It's also in the Southwest, I think, someplace near the Welsh border."

Harry remembered Hagrid mentioning that he had grown up with the wizard who was his dad, after his giant mother had left her family. The house in which they had lived must have been impressive. To accommodate a giant kid, Hagrid's dad must have placed a substantial number of enlargement charms on it. Unlike all the other wizarding homes Harry had seen – like Grimmauld Place No. 12 and the Burrow – his family's house looked downright ordinary.

"Knowing Hagrid, he put you in a basket with snakes for company, fed you Thestral milk and gave you some rock-cakes to chew on," Severus mused, folding his arms in front of his chest. "He kept telling everybody what a great time you both had. Minerva, who'd been hanging abound in Privet Drive in her cat-form all day before you and Hagrid arrived the following night, said he almost wept when he had to leave you on the Durleys' doorstep."

"Minerva?" asked Harry, who had wandered into the dining room, surprised. It had a nice view across the garden and the fields behind. Right next to it was the kitchen – the only room that was still furnished. It was strange to imagine that his mother had stood at this old stove cooking, or that she had washed the dishes in the sink beneath the window. "What was she doing there?"

"Hagrid had briefly returned to Hogwarts while you were sleeping and asked her for supplies he needed to take care of a toddler. She was one of the first people to hear that your parents had been attacked and that you were the only survivor and would remain in Hagrid's care until the next day, when he was supposed to hand you over to Dumbledore in Little Whinging. Apparently, with all the excitement, she forgot to ask for the exact time of the meeting, which is why she apparated there right after breakfast, after having read the entire story about You-know-who's demise in the Daily Prophet's morning edition. Thus, she had ample time to find out that Petunia and her husband were the most horrible of people."

Well, that couldn't have taken her more than half an hour, Harry thought. Had Petunia ever been to Godric's Hollow? If so, she must have been envious. The house was bigger than that of the Dursleys, and from what he could see, it had a far bigger garden, too. A back door from the kitchen led to it. Harry opened it and stepped outside onto the meadow that had been reclaimed by the wilderness. It might have been a tutored lawn surrounded by flowerbeds a long time ago, flowerbeds that his mother had probably carefully tended to. If she had loved gardening at all. Harry didn't know.

His godfather followed him as he headed further into the garden, pushing through bushes that had overgrown everything. The trees were huge, too. He saw the remains of two strong cords dangling from a sturdy branch. Had his parents attached a baby swing for him here?

They reached the far back of the walled yard, where another gate led onto the lane behind. "Let's go," Harry suggested. "I've seen what I wanted to see."

"Which was what, exactly?"

Harry shrugged. "Just the visuals to sort out what I've seen in memories and heard from other people. It somehow makes it more – palpable. And it's good to have seen in what state the house really is. I need to decide what to do with it."

Severus couldn't imagine that Harry would want to live here. Like Spinner's End for him, this place must be connected with too many negative memories for Harry.

Harry looked over the garden, his expression wistful. "I keep thinking that there should be kids running around in this garden, that there should be a swing and a treehouse to play in. My parents had wanted this to be a happy place, and I don't want the house to remain a memorial. The statue on the church square is bad enough. Maybe I should have it repaired and sell it."

It would be a nice place for a family to live. He surely would have liked to grow up here. Harry let the gate fall shut behind him and turned right on the lane, heading away from the village. He briefly wondered if it was wise to leave the kitchen door open, but then remembered that the front door was damaged, too, and that Muggles wouldn't set foot into the house anyway.

"I wish Sirius hadn't so readily agreed with Dumbledore's decision to give me to the Dursleys..." Harry said, as they resumed walking. "I really would have preferred growing up at Grimmauld Place with him, all protections aside."

"Sirius?" asked Severus, falling in pace beside him. "When did Black ever have the chance to agree or not agree with Dumbledore's plans for you? He was already in Azkaban when you were put on Petunia's doorstep." It had solved the problem regarding Black's guardianship rather nicely. With him out of the picture, there was no one else who could have taken Harry in. Beside himself, of course. But neither he nor Dumbledore had wanted the truth about his godparenthood revealed. And what in Merlin's Name would he have been expected to do with a baby, especially one he could barely abide looking at?

"No, I mean before that," said Harry, shoving his hands into the pocket of his jacket. The house hadn't been warm, but at least they had been out of the wind. "Hagrid met him here when he picked me up. Didn't you know?"

"No," Severus said, puzzled. "I left as soon as Fawkes and Hagrid arrived. But why did Black come here at all?"

"He said that he had gotten a bad feeling when he checked on Pettigrew that evening and didn't find him home. I know from Remus that Peter had claimed to be sick a few days before the attack. So he really _should_ have been home that night."

"He probably had only feigned illness to be left out of order business at the time," Severus suspected. "He must have known that the Dark Lord was about to strike."

"In any case, Sirius got panicky when he found him gone. Since his hiding place had been evacuated without any sign of a fight, he suspected that _he_ was the traitor and immediately rushed to Godric's Hollow. Hagrid said Sirius wanted to take me into his custody, but Hagrid had refused, saying Dumbledore had already made other plans for me. He soon relented and even gave Hagrid his flying motorbike to take me someplace safe."

"He had travelled to Godric's Hollow via motorbike?" Severus asked, frowning. "If he was panicky, why didn't he apparate? Flying would have taken far too long."

"Hm, I don't know where Peter lived, but maybe it wasn't too far away? Or he did apparate and used a shrinking charm on his bike to take it along in his pocket? He did enlarge it at some point anyway, so it would match Hagrid's size. Sirius said he wouldn't need it anymore, which Hagrid found a bit weird. He said that Sirius was utterly devastated by my parents' death."

Harry paused, thinking back to the conversation he had had with his godfather about that night. Some things made much more sense now, but not everything. "I still don't understand why nobody ever tried to find out what really had happened. Sirius betraying my parents... after all I learned about him, nobody should have believed it. Why did no one ever bother to talk to him, not even Dumbledore?"

"Because to us, Sirius Black betraying his friends didn't seem so out of character as you paint it to be," Severus said, not at all happy that he should be the one who had to point it out to the boy. He had hated Sirius with a vengeance – he still did, to be honest. But Black had obviously meant a lot to Harry, if only because there had been no one else who had ever reached out to him and made him feel wanted.

And indeed – the slight aggression and the reproach in Harry's voice was poorly hidden when he promptly asked: "Why would you say that? I know you hated him, but Dumbledore didn't, and neither did Remus..."

Severus sighed. "Potter – if you insist on continuing asking me such questions, I insist on finding a place to sit down in some comfort: Dry, warm and private. And I need a drink." He made a turn, heading back towards the village.

"Where are you going?" Harry asked, confused.

As if it wasn't obvious. "Finding a pub," Severus replied, grumbling.

Harry was dubious about finding one that was open on Christmas day. And even more dubious about the privacy they would have there, should they find one. But he refrained from pointing out the obvious, knowing how much his teacher despised it, and just followed along.

"Now, about Sirius..." Severus picked up the question Harry had asked. "You know what happened in the Shrieking Shack when I was in my fourth year, don't you?"

"Yes." Sirius had lured him into the Shrieking Shack in a night of a full moon, where Lupin was hiding during his transformation. His father had rushed after him when he found out, narrowly saving him from death. Sirius had played it down when Harry had asked him about it, saying that it had been meant to be just a stupid prank, an opportunity to frighten the Slytherin he hated so much. But Harry, who had stood face to face with Remus in his werewolf form in his third year, had not bought it. Remus in his werewolf form was not just a little scary. He was deadly. Severus would have stood no chance again him.

"Sirius tried to get you killed," he said softly.

Severus threw him a surprised glance. He hadn't expected the boy to judge his deceased godfather so bluntly. To admit that the man he held in such high esteem had almost committed murder... No one else had ever acknowledged the bare facts. Not even Dumbledore. Everybody had always behaved as if Severus was exaggerating, blowing the incident up, while in truth, he had been shaking with fear, reliving the moment the werewolf had appeared at the end of the tunnel in his dreams for a couple of months.

"I wasn't the only one who was put in danger by Black that night", he said, feeling oddly placated by Harry's open admission of Black's guilt.

"What do you mean?"

"Think, Harry. If Lupin had killed me, it would have exposed him as a werewolf, and not even Dumbledore's protecting hand could have kept him out of Azkaban. Not to talk about the guilt Lupin would have felt for killing a fellow student. Black betrayed him whom he called a friend that night, using him as a tool to get rid of someone he despised. When your father came to the rescue, he didn't do it for me. He saved Lupin from becoming a killer and from being exposed. In the light of that incident – why should your father, Lupin or Dumbledore have found it hard to believe that Sirius could betray a friend? He had done so before. I believe Lupin never got over that. His relationship with both – your father and Black – was different after that. He was more aloof, distanced himself from them. The only one he was still really close with was your mother."

Harry suddenly remembered what Remus had once said about his mother: That Lily had been there for him at a time no one else had. "Yes, that's understandable..." Harry muttered, wondering if this had been the blow that had broken the Marauder's friendship and had led to mutual distrust later on. "But Dumbledore at least should have spoken to Sirius to get his version of events after he'd been taken to Azkaban."

"I suppose he would have done that, if not for the mass killing of those Muggles. All facts were clearly speaking of Black's guilt: Everybody was sure that he had been the Secret Keeper – your father himself had turned Dumbledore's offer down and insisted that it would be Black. Several Muggles had witnessed the murder of Peter, who called Black a traitor. And most importantly: Black never claimed to be innocent, made no effort to defend himself. All of that was proof enough to send him to Azkaban without trial. The only reason he didn't receive a Dementor's kiss was the fact that he was thought to have lost his sanity."

The were back in the village now, and Harry could see the church square down the road ahead. Severus pointed to a house on the left side the street. "There! Dew Drop Inn. If that isn't an invitation..."

"But it looks closed..." Harry dared to point out, but still followed behind. He was right, of course. The pub was dark and clearly not open. Severus pulled out his wand. "All the better. We wanted privacy." A wordless 'Alohomora' was enough; the lock snapped open.

* * *

 _ **Minerva McGonagall in Privet Drive**_

 _According to Canon, she sat there in cat-form since at least 8:30 Tuesday morning (Nov. 1), until Dumbledore appeared midnight the same day._

 _And yet she said to him: "The owls are nothing to the rumours that are flying around. You know what everyone's saying? About why he's disappeared? About what finally stopped him?"_

 _Who is everyone? We know for sure that she knew from Hagrid that Dumbledore would be in Privet Drive at some point that day, but she didn't know when and why. Who else but Hagrid could she have spoken to? She must have received Patronus messages. But then – if she wanted to speak to Dumbledore so urgently, why not send him a Patronus herself? Why not wait for him in Hogwarts, where he surely would have popped up, in between going back and forth between Godric's Hollow, the Ministry and the Order?_

 _How could she and Dumbledore have spent a day away from Hogwarts all day in the first place? By logic, Minerva can't have been a deputy Headmistress at that point, because surely Dumbledore would have informed her personally in that case, especially if he was to be absent the entire day. Samhain seems to be a public holiday in Scotland, so maybe there were no classes to teach. Maybe she did sent a Patronus to Dumbledore (he must have gotten quite a few...) but maybe he was too busy to answer her. Or, being a mere teacher, she didn't dare to pester the Headmaster and Member of the Wizengamot for information._

 _No matter what the answer is – one has to admire her endurance, spending 15 hours in cat-form sitting on a wall just to have the rumours confirmed._


	5. The Stag, the Wolf and the Dog

**The Stag, the Wolf and the Dog**

Harry winced. "That's housebreaking..."

Severus shot him a disbelieving glance. "After all the rule breaking you have done while in Hogwarts, you're having scruples about this? I'd leave some money behind, but unfortunately, I have nothing but Knuts, Sickles and Galleons on me. What about you?"

Harry, who liked to venture into the Muggle parts of London during the holidays and who had taken Draco out to a Night club recently, happened to have a wallet with Pound notes next to the pouch with his coins, which he silently held up for his teacher to see.

"Great," said Severus. "Then the drinks are on you."

Harry, out of arguments, followed his teacher into the pub, quickly closing the door behind him. Admittedly, it was nice to get out of the cold and the drizzle. Severus pointed his wands at the window, casting a charm that would make them look as dark as they had from outside, before he turned on the lights and shrugged off his coat.

Harry had moved towards the bar. He could use something to drink as well, but had no idea what to take. He only ever drank Butterbeer or – on rare occasions – Firewhiskey. He didn't have much experience with muggle drinks yet. "What are you having?" he asked his godfather.

"A Scotch for me. Single Malt."

Harry shrugged and simply poured two glasses of Scotch, hoping that it wouldn't be too bad, and returned to the table Severus had chosen. "To new beginnings," Harry said, raising his glass.

Severus grunted something unintelligible which might have been an affirmation, and they both drank. Harry was pleasantly surprised. Compared to Firewhiskey, the Scotch was rather mild and left his taste buds sensitive enough to actually form an opinion.

"Nice," he said appreciatively, enjoying the feeling of warmth that crept down the inside of his throat. "Better than Butterbeer."

"Just make sure you're still sober by the time we return," Severus advised drily. "Miss Granger was already worried about our joint trip down memory lane. I'd hate to be held responsible if you lost your equilibrium – again."

"Hey – last night was an exception! I usually don't get drunk. Besides," Harry joked, "Hermione will be happy enough to see that I haven't lost any limbs. I think she was concerned you might take my head off if I asked too many personal questions."

Severus doubted it. At least, that risk had never kept her from asking too many personal questions herself – or otherwise invading his personal space. But she really wanted him and Harry to get along. He knew that if he ever wanted to sound out the potential of a relationship with her, he needed to make peace with her best friend. And much to his surprise, the idea didn't seem as far out of the realm of possibilities as he would have stated most vehemently just a couple of months ago.

"She really cares for you, Potter. I'm not an expert on friendship, but I can only advise you to cherish hers. Friends as fiercely loyal as she are hard to come by."

"I know that. Really. Hermione has always been by my side – it's hard to imagine that anything might ever come between us. But then... Sirius and my father probably thought that, too, and look what happened..."

"Friendships formed in school rarely last," Severus remarked soberly.

"But they used to be thick as thieves and always went out of their way to help each other," Harry said, still unable to comprehend how it could have happened to the Marauders. "James, Sirius and Peter even became Animagi to be able to keep Remus company and make his affliction easier to bear. My took dad took Sirius in when he was kicked out by his family. And he supported Remus financially when he couldn't find employment after his graduation..."

Severus had the sneaking suspicion that Harry had idealised the relationship of the Marauders based on what he himself had experienced with Hermione and Weasley. But there were cracks even in that pretty painting. He knew from Hermione's memories that Ronald had abandoned his friends when the going got tough, and that he had always been slightly jealous of his famous best friend. Hermione had been aware of that. Harry obviously hadn't. Disloyalty seemed to be a character trait that he wasn't even able to grasp.

"Do you think keeping Remus company was their only motivation to become Animagi?" he asked Harry, trying to keep his tone carefully neutral. He himself had always had another explanation for their supposed show of loyalty. "Or did they just do it for the adventure, the rule-breaking, the thrill of it all?" James and Sirius had enjoyed having an applauding and admiring audience, and Lupin and Pettigrew had been the typical hangers-on. "In all honesty, the Marauders always struck me as a rather dysfunctional group of friends."

"Dysfunctional in what way?" Harry asked, listening attentively.

"In the way that they differed in what they wanted out of life and in what they expected from each other. Your father got married and settled, Black bought himself a fancy motorbike and bemoaned the fact that his best buddy wouldn't hang out with him anymore, and Remus found himself bereft of a future and probably spent his days pitying himself."

It was true that Remus had been struggling with financial problems for a long time after Hogwarts. He himself had told Harry so. Finding no employment and depending on his friend's generosity must have been a severe blow to his self-esteem and probably made him bitter and embarrassed.

"I know for sure that Black hadn't been in touch with your parents for a long while before the attack," Severus continued. "I found a letter your mother had written to him in his room when I searched Grimmauld Place for incriminating evidence that linked me to the Order..."

"Ah, that's what you were looking for!" Harry exclaimed, remembering how puzzled they had been at the time to find that he had ransacked the place. "We were wondering about that!"

"When Dumbledore died, each order member automatically became a Secret-Keeper, meaning that any one of them could give the location of Grimmauld Place away. I couldn't be sure that there wasn't another traitor in the Order who would pass on information to the Dark Lord. After all, it had happened before. I needed to make sure that no evidence of my own betrayal remained, and that no important information fell into Death Eater hands should the protection fail."

He had found Lily's letter to Sirius by chance. In a fit of sentimentality he had taken the picture. He had meant to take the letter as well, intending to read it once more with more leisure, but the wards he had set before searching the place had informed him that Kreacher had left his den in the kitchen and was on his way upstairs. Needing to keep his visit to Grimmauld Place secret, he had made for a hasty escape, accidentally dropping the first page of the letter in his rush to the window.

"I saw the letter, too," Harry said. "My mother must have written it about a week or so after my birthday, at the beginning of August." While it had been clear from the letter that Sirius hadn't been over in a while, it didn't prove anything. "It wasn't easy to meet. They were in hiding at the time..."

Severus shook his head. "Your parents were pretty much housebound at the time, yes, but they were still receiving visitors. Bathilda Bagshot was over frequently, and so was Pettigrew. The decision to place the house under Fidelius was only made when Dumbledore failed to identify the traitor and wanted to lock out even those who had been coming and going freely until then. Doesn't it strike you as odd that it was your mother who wrote the letter?"

Harry frowned. "No, why should it? They were friends."

"You father and Black were friends," Severus corrected. "His relationship to you mum had always been rather strained. I think the letter was an attempt at mediation on her part, probably because James and Sirius were not on the best of speaking terms at the time. Dumbledore once hinted that your father and Black had 'differences'."

"About what?"

"I don't know for sure. But from the little Albus let slip, I assumed they were fighting over Lupin. Black seemed to be distrustful of him, but your father wouldn't hear about it."

"You know... that's the part that never made sense to me," Harry said, thinking of everything he had learned about their relationship. He now understood better why Remus wouldn't fully trust Sirius anymore, but... "Why would Sirius be distrustful of Remus?"

"Seriously, Potter?" Severus asked, arching an eyebrow. "You're asking me to interpret the thoughts and feelings of Sirius Black?"

"Well, actually, you seem rather good at analysing other people's motives, which admittedly, I find surprising," Harry replied. In truth, he had thought Hermione was suffering from a perception disorder when she had first made the assertion. But he now had to admit that she was right, as usual. "It seems like the only person with whom your insight into human nature ever failed was me."

Yes, of course the boy would see it that way. But his ability to observe, analyse and predict people's behaviour hadn't failed him. Severus' life had, for a long time, depended on knowing the state of mind of the people around him. He had just preferred not to examine his feelings regarding the-boy-who-was-a-constant-thorn-in-his-side too closely, and he had never made an attempt to try and see things from his perspective. He had lived quite comfortably with his disdain and had nurtured it. It had been much easier to see James in him than Lily.

"Please..." Harry added, when Severus didn't respond. "Remus is always evasive when I ask him about what came between them, and you're the only one who knew them all."

"I can only guess," Severus eventually acquiesced. "The fact that Remus distanced himself from his friends after the Shrieking Shack incident might have made Black distrustful. I'd be surprised if he realised that it was a result of his own actions, and I doubt that Lupin confronted him about it. He never dared to stand up against his so called friends. His desire to be part of their gang made him willing to overlook all their shortcomings." A weakness Lupin had shared with him. They had all been young and malleable, back then. "In the light of his particular circumstances, it was understandable. Lupin has always been under suspicion simply because of what he is."

When Harry opened his mouth to protest, Severus stopped him with a raised hand. "I know what you're going to say, but save your breath. You might not like it, you might think it's unfair, but it's what the wizarding population at large feels: Werewolves should not be a part of society, because they're dangerous and not to be trusted – as proven by Lupin forgetting to take his potion in a school full of children. They are not ostracised for no reason. You know Lupin had troubles finding employment after leaving Hogwarts. On Dumbledore's orders, he went to live with their underground community to sound out if they might be swayed. The Dark Lord was trying to recruit werewolves, too, promising them a better life."

"Why would the Werewolves – or any of the other magical species – ever side with him?" Harry asked. "Pureblood supremacists were even more prejudiced against non-humans and mixed breeds than the average wizard."

"They never sided with anyone. Merpeople, goblins and centaurs stayed out of the conflict. Acromantulas, giants and Dementors didn't distinguish between Death Eaters and those on the side of the light in the final battle – they just came to enjoy the carnage and take their fill. The werewolves had no interest in the victory of either side – both had treated them equally poorly. They only profited from the chaos, the uproar and the anarchy. While wizards were busy fighting each other, they couldn't rule and subdue. The werewolves never fought for the Dark Lord; they fought for themselves. Black might have believed that Lupin was the one who was swayed and switched sides."

"Remus? He would never have followed Voldemort!"

Severus' face was wearing a strange expression when he let his gaze rest on Harry. "Not three hours ago, you tried to justify my joining the Dark Lord by pointing out that I was young back then, that the Dark Lord was a handsome and charismatic leader, and that I couldn't possibly have known how evil he truly was..." he stated calmly. "Why is it that you find the thought that Remus might have made the same mistake I did so outrageous?"

Shamefaced, Harry averted his eyes. Severus had made a fair point, and Harry could easily guess what conclusion he had drawn. But he was wrong. "It's not that I think you're in any way a less honourable man than Remus," he said, purposely looking into his godfather's eyes again so he could see that he was being honest. "Quite the opposite, in fact. It's just that because of our history, I've thought about how you were as a young man quite often, and I saw you in all those memories, too, whereas I only know Remus like he is now: Calm, mature, mellow and always with an air of worry and sadness about him. I never even tried to imagine what he was like when he was young. But you're right, of course. Remus surely must have felt the same need to belong like we all do – to be among people who didn't judge him for things that were beyond his control."

Harry paused, looking at the glass in his hands instead of in his godfather's eyes. "I felt like that when I came to Hogwarts," he admitted, and hesitantly added: "What would I have done if the people who welcomed me here had also promoted ideas or done things that had seemed questionable to me? Would I have turned my back on the wizarding world and returned to the Dursleys? Or would I have tried to justify what everybody else was saying, not wanting to find fault with the community I so much longed to be a part of?"

"You tell me."

"I would have stayed," Harry said, realising for the first time how having one's deep-rooted needs fulfilled could make a person ignore all the nasty strings attached. "I would have tried everything to convince myself that my reservations were unjustified, that so many people couldn't be wrong and that there was a good reason for the way they were acting. I would have tried to ignore the more ugly aspects." Just like Severus had done with the followers of the Dark Lord in those days. Or like Remus had with regard to some of the things his father and Sirius had done. Harry was really lucky and grateful for having decent friends who had never forced him into a position where he had had to choose between what he wanted and what was right.

Severus inclined his head in acknowledgement. Once more, he was impressed with the boy's maturity and his honesty.

Harry remained silent for a moment, processing what Severus had said. He had been oblivious of so many aspects of this conflict... Everything had been so much more complicated than he had previously thought - even the relationship between the Marauders. If Remus had been suspiciously absent for a longer period of time, it might indeed have given Sirius reason for concern, especially if he had heard rumours of werewolves in Voldemort's ranks. Given Dumbledore's penchant for secrecy, it was quite possible that no one had known about his mission. No one had known what Hermione, Ron and himself had been doing the last year. Had his father thought it possible that Remus had turned traitor, too? Harry refused to believe that a single incident and nasty rumours had been enough to destroy the trust between them.

"I suspect that apart from life getting in the way, there was an additional issue that has estranged them," Severus mused, as if he had read Harry's thoughts. "A woman came between two men. Or in that case, between three men. Remus has always been closer to Lily than to James. With Sirius, it was the other way round. I always suspected that Black was jealous of Lily – he surely was behaving like it. It's highly likely that Remus knew that, too."

Harry had to admit that there might be some truth to that statement, too. Sirius had always sung his father's praises, but had hardly ever mentioned his mother. Remus, on the other hand, had mostly spoken of her. Had Remus and Sirius each been jealous of one of his parents? It was a perturbing thought.

"The Dark Lord was a master manipulator," Severus said. "Sowing suspicion and mistrust was one of his most efficient weapons, and it was most effective to destabilise the Order. I'm sure he fed Pettigrew information to subtly undermine Lily's and James' trust in certain people. There was already an atmosphere of distrust, as everyone knew of a traitor in their midst."

"So you're saying that if Sirius was in my father's ears with his suspicion of Remus, while Dumbledore kept subtly warning him about Sirius, and my parents were having second thoughts about Dumbledore because of the things they heard from Bathilda and possibly Pettigrew..."

"... it would explain why they chose to trust the only friend that seemed to be beyond doubt."

"Pettigrew. A coward and more a rat than a man!"

"We certainly agree on that. But what you said about the Dark Lord was also true for Pettigrew. He was different before he spent twelve years living as a rat. A quiet boy, rather insipid, unobtrusive and timid, a tag-along who always kept in the shadows. He worshipped your father and Black while in Hogwarts. We both know that he still kept close company with your parents, while the others grew apart. But like you said, he was a coward. It wouldn't have taken much for the Dark Lord to win him over."

"Sirius said he himself had suggested that my father make Peter the secret-keeper. Because choosing his best friend would have been too obvious."

"Too obvious for what? The secret cannot be forced out of the secret-keeper, not even by torture. The only thing Voldemort could have done was kill him - and make all those secret-keepers who had been given the key. It would have gained him nothing."

Maybe it hadn't been a piece of well-considered advice... Harry mused, imagining the discussion Sirius and his father must have had about it. Sirius, telling his father not to trust Remus, and James, telling Sirius that Dumbledore and Remus didn't trust Sirius either in order to make a point. Maybe Sirius 'suggestion' had come out in hurt and anger, more in the line of 'if that's what they think, then go and make Peter the secret-keeper, as he's obviously the only one above suspicion.'

Once more, Harry was immensely grateful that he had never had reason to distrust any of his friends. Not even one of the other people who had stood firmly at his side... Luna, Neville, the DA, Hagrid, the Order members and the Hogwarts teachers. Having to doubt the loyalty of his closest friends would have devastated him.

"Do you want another Scotch?" his godfather asked, seeing that he was a bit overwhelmed.

"I think I'd rather have a tea."

"Good idea. All this talking is making my throat dry." Severus got up and went behind the counter, searching for tea bags and cups. The huge bistro-type coffee maker looked as if it could perform quite a range of tasks, which surely included something as trivial as boiling water, but Severus was reluctant to touch it. He just filled two cups with water from the tab and directed a heating charm until it boiled, then dropped in the tea bags. There wasn't any milk, but he preferred his tea black anyway.

Putting the other cup in front of his godson, he sat down on the bench again and leaned back, quietly studying him while sipping his tea. Just like Hermione, the boy had changed a lot during the last year. He looked older, too, but while there was sometimes a haunted look in Hermione's eyes which would probably take some time to entirely vanish, Harry looked more serene and definitely a lot more mature. He was not as impulsive anymore and finally thought before opening his mouth. Severus found it to be a change for the better.

* * *

 _For once, I have no annotations for this chapter. :) Don't get used to it, the next one (about Sirius not getting a trial, Voldemort's hanging about in that forest in Albania and the functioning of the Elder Wand will have plenty!_


	6. The Scapegoat, the Rat & the Two-Faced

**The Scapegoat, the Rat and the Two-Faced Wizard**

"You know, I really wonder how Wormtail managed to pull it off and get away with it," Harry said, voicing what he had been mulling over the last couple of minutes. "He never struck me as particularly intelligent. But when Sirius found him, he just came up with this plan to blow up the street, cut off his own finger and let Sirius be arrested for mass murder. Quite cunning for someone whose brain appeared to be rather small."

"Oh, I don't believe it was Pettigrew's plan at all," Severus mused. "It has the Dark Lord's handwriting all over it."

Harry gave him a surprised look. "You think Sirius was lured into a trap?"

"I'm sure of it. Think, Potter: Pettigrew was able to transform into a rat and was long gone when Sirius came by his place. How on Earth should Sirius have been able to find him, if Peter hadn't wanted to be found? I assume putting the blame on Black had been the Dark Lord's plan all along. He was a blood-traitor and Bellatrix in particular wanted his head."

"So the plan was for Peter to kill him?"

"No." Severus shook his head. "Pettigrew stood no chance against Sirius, and he knew that. Besides, accusing someone to be a traitor after having killed him makes the whole thing look a little suspicious and would have called for an investigation. I think Pettigrew was supposed to do exactly what he did: Provoke Black into an attack, make sure that there were casualties among innocent bystanders and enough surviving witnesses, and fake his own death. Framing Black for a truly horrendous crime assured that there would be no public trial."

"You're saying that as if it was a done deal. Why would there be no trial?"

"Because Black was an Auror trainee, an thus the ministry's responsibility. They could do without the negative publicity. Besides, it was a one-time opportunity for the Dark Lords' minions inside the ministry to clear themselves of any suspicion regarding the sensitive information that had found its way to him. Don't forget that Pettigrew in his rat form had been spying on ministry workers such as Arthur and the Order for over a year. The loyal ministry employees were happy to present a scapegoat – they had been under considerable pressure to find the leak. Being able to put him into Azkaban for a different crime was a case of serendipity – that way, their own failure could easily be swept under the carpet."

"So it was a conspiracy?"

"No so much a conspiracy as an opportunity that one ministry official or another used to his advantage."

"So putting the blame on Sirius was basically killing four birds with one stone..." Harry concluded, frowning. "Had Voldemort lived, Pettigrew would have been an ideal spy, as everyone believed him dead. Sirius would have been out of the picture. As an added bonus, it would have satisfied some of his followers' thirst for the blood traitor's blood. And last but not least, laying it down on an Auror trainee protected the real informants in the ministry from investigation."

"Exactly. No one was interested in a public trial. The fact that an Auror trainee had committed treason was horrible and embarrassing enough for the department to want to keep it under tight wraps. It wasn't even mentioned that Black had anything to do with the Auror Department, not even in the Daily Prophet."

"But then the plan went horribly awry – with Voldemort suddenly gone, Pettigrew lost his safe haven. So he simply decided to go through with the original plan and go into hiding, seeking refuge with a wizarding family."

"It was the smartest thing he could do. He wouldn't have survived as a gutter rat. Besides, it allowed him to stay in touch with the wizarding world and kept him informed. The whole thing being a plan of the Dark Lord's explains how Quirrell managed to find the rat."

"Quirrell?" Harry looked confused. "What did he have do with Pettigrew?"

"Quirrell himself not so much, but the Dark Lord he carried around in his head. He would have wanted him back in his service."

"How would he have known that Wormtail was in Hogwarts in his rat-from?"

"Well, it was logical to assume that he had let himself be adopted into a wizarding family he was already familiar with," Severus said, shrugging. "The Weasleys with their lack of money and many kids were the most obvious choice. But even if the Dark Lord hadn't been sure about which family the rat had sought shelter with, all he needed to do was to make Quirrell look into the enrolment book to find out which pupil had a rat as familiar. Finding a ruse to get his hands on it and secretly casting the reverse-spell would have been easy."

Harry couldn't remember an incident in which Scabbers had gone missing during their first year. But then, it wasn't like Ron had constantly carried him around – during lessons, he had stayed in Gryffindor tower, and if he had left in the night, Ron wouldn't have noticed, either. He had been roaming the castle in his rat form the night Harry had first noticed him on the Marauder's map. It was likely that he had done so before.

"If they were in contact already back then," Harry mused, "it would explain how Pettigrew knew where to find Voldemort after his second disappearance, when his attempt to get possession of the Philosopher's Stone failed..." It was a surprisingly logical conclusion. After his escape from the Shrieking Shack, Wormtail had gone straight to Albania, obviously knowing that he would find Voldemort there. Which led to the really big question:

"Why Albania in the first place?" Harry had never understood why Voldemort, after losing his body, spent the next eleven years hiding in some remote forest, sulking about the fact that nobody came looking for him. "He claimed that Aurors were still on the look-out for him, but that was bullshit – everybody believed he was gone for good. Besides, if he could take possession of other people as he claimed, no one would have known it was him. It's kind of weird, isn't it? Why not take advantage of his smoky state, float to the ministry, take possession of Fudge and become ruler of the wizarding world right away? Would have saved him a lot of hassle. Or why didn't he at least possess one of his followers so he could communicate with the others and have them prepare the ritual to recreate a body? He might have been back within days. He was really upset with his Death Eaters and blamed them for not coming to look for him. But why on earth would they go looking for him in a remote forest in Albania?"

Severus gave a disdainful snort. "Yes, I heard that was the story he told his followers. Lucius found it ludicrous, too. The plain and simple truth is: the Dark Lord lied. He didn't consciously choose to go to Albania. When his soul was evicted from his body, it was instantly flung there – to the place where he had created his last Horcrux."

"To where he had created it? I would have assumed it would go to where is last Horcrux was hidden..."

"I suppose that's what the Dark Lord thought, too. He probably was disabused of this notion only when it happened. Metaphysically speaking, his torn soul searched for what it had lost at the place where it had last been seen. By tearing a piece off his soul there in Albania, the Dark Lord unknowingly bound himself to that place. Without at least a rudimentary body, he simply couldn't leave. The animals he managed to briefly take possession of didn't live long, and as soon as they died, he found himself back in that forest. But of course, he couldn't have told his Death Eaters this version of the story without revealing that he had made at least one Horcrux, and that was a secret he guarded very closely."

"But he could have taken possession of a human," Harry argued. "Surely there must have been the occasional hiker or nature lover who crossed his path in those eleven years, however remote this forest was."

"He couldn't take possession of people. If that was possible, letting yourself be killed after creating a Horcrux would give you the ultimate power: You could take over just anybody and become whoever you longed to be. Just like you said – he could have become Minister of Magic without anybody being the wiser. The truth is, had he taken possession of a human for longer than a few minutes, he would have lost himself, as their intact souls would have been much stronger than his torn and weakened one."

"But he did take possession of Quirrell."

"No. Quirrell willingly offered his body as a vehicle, but the Dark Lord wasn't in control of it. He was more like a parasite that had attached itself to Quirrell's body. In the long run, it would have driven Quirrell insane. The signs were already there. He needed unicorn blood to stay alive and maintain this unnatural symbiosis. In the moment of Quirrel's death, the Dark Lord's soul was evicted from his body again – he couldn't just take it over."

"Shouldn't Voldemort have foreseen these problems? I mean – he made all these Horcruxes, but didn't seem to know exactly how they worked. Had he really expected that it would be as easy as that – taking possession of another person's body?"

"There are not exactly treatises on Horcruxes in the public library, Potter. It's forbidden, archaic knowledge, something people do not openly discuss or write about."

"Then how come you know so much about then?"

There was no hint of accusation or distrust in Harry's voice, which was why Severus answered him just as matter-of-factly: "I started researching them after our beloved headmaster had judged the time right to tell me that _you_ were one of them."

Severus wasn't sure if Dumbledore had truly been aware of what this revelation had done to him. All of his subterfuge and intrigue, all those years of silent suffering to keep his promise to Lily and make sure that her child survived... only to learn that he had been doomed from the minute she had died. He had clung to the hope that Dumbledore was wrong, as he had been mistaken about other things before... that he had overlooked a detail, a loophole, or that he wasn't being entirely truthful. But to think that Lily's last sacrifice – his own sacrifices! – should have been in vain... it had been simply unacceptable. He had read book after book, all the dark tomes in Hogwarts and his private library, and later in Dumbledore's. But he had found nothing but hints and hidden messages. "I was only able to finally piece the information I had together after everything was over."

"But you knew about the Horcruxes while we were out hunting for them, and why we needed the sword so badly!"

"Yes. It all added up. The fact that the Dark Lord had returned twice, and that Dumbledore had anticipated it; that he somehow ended up in Albania after every death; the cursed ring Dumbledore was so careless to destroy; your ominous mission he wouldn't talk about. I wondered at that point if the diary might have been a Horcrux. Yes, I suspected that you were searching for objects that contained the Dark Lord's soul long before Dumbledore told me the truth. I knew for sure when Dumbledore's portrait ordered me to bring you the sword, as Basilisk venom is the only thing apart from Fiendfyre that can destroy a Horcrux."

"But if you knew... you could have helped us!"

"No, I couldn't have, as I had no idea what these objects might be or where he might have hidden them. Besides, it was essential that we remained enemies."

"Why? I don't understand that! Hermione told me the same thing a while ago... There was more to it than just fooling Voldemort, wasn't there?"

Severus sighed. He really didn't wish to impart the other crucial information Harry was still missing, the reason why Harry had had to continue hating him until the last moment. He had told Hermione the whole truth of it when she had come to his office to make her own shocking revelation – or rather, Hermione, clever girl that she was, had figured it out. They both had thought it wiser if Harry remained oblivious. But apparently, he had no choice now. Maybe he deserved to know the entire story.

So reluctantly, Severus told Harry how he and Dumbledore had planned to pass on the mastership of the Elder Wand to him; how they had set him up to challenge, attack and defeat his most hated teacher when the time came, and how Severus was supposed to provoke a confrontation. That would have been easy for him to do: He had always known how to push Harry's buttons. Telling him that he had part of the Dark Lord's soul in him, too, and that he had to sacrifice himself for the cause, surely would have pushed him over the edge.

"You wanted me to kill you?" Harry cried, outraged, and jumped up from his chair.

"Not necessarily," Severus replied impassively. "I wanted you to attack and defeat me. Given your Gryffindor sensitivities, I think I would have stood a fair chance of survival."

"You think I would have had scruples about using the death curse on you?" Harry continued to rage, trembling now. "I wouldn't have hesitated! I hated you!"

"You also hated the Dark Lord," Severus reasoned. "And yet, when given the chance, you only used 'Expelliarmus' on him. You're not a killer, Harry. If everything had gone according to plan, you would have disarmed me or knocked me out with a stunner and the Elder Wand would have been yours. I had no idea that you were already its master at that point."

Harry was not at all appeased by the logic of this and pointed out rather forcefully neither Severus nor Dumbledore could have known how he might react – that he himself didn't know for sure. Replying that he and Dumbledore had been well aware of the risk and willing to take it, didn't really help Severus to argue his point. It only enraged Harry further.

Severus allowed him to vent his anger – at him, but mostly at Dumbledore. Yes, the boy valued loyalty above everything else. And while Severus had proved loyal, Dumbledore hadn't. The leader of the light had been willing to sacrifice his spy for the Boy-who-should-live. And Severus had willingly helped him to put this plan in motion. At the time, he hadn't had much to live for, anyway. But now... Now he found himself grateful that he had survived.

Severus waited patiently for the storm to pass, then pulled Harry down on his chair again and poured him another glass of Scotch. He probably needed something stronger than tea right now.

Harry took the glass Severus had offered him and almost downed it in one. Which resulted in a coughing fit.

"Easy there, Potter," said Severus, roughly slapping his back. "No sense in killing yourself over it now. We both had our happy ending and the Dark Lord is dead. And to enable this outcome, it was crucial that the Elder Wand recognized you as its master in the final confrontation."

"But that didn't help at all!" Harry croaked, still struggling with his voice. "Voldemort _did_ kill me with the Elder Wand, even though it didn't belong to him – or has that escaped your notice? I wasn't invincible, not even with the most powerful wand being mine to command. You said yourself that it was my mother's protection acting like a Horcrux in the Dark Lord's veins that kept me alive."

"Yes, it did. But the Dark Lord didn't kill you in a duel, did he now? The _wand_ is unbeatable, Harry, but not the wizard who wields it. Otherwise it would never change its master. In the past, most masters of the Elder Wand came into its possession by deceit, stealth or foul play, not in a direct confrontation. It's first master was murdered in his sleep, Emric the Evil was slaughtered when his opponent pulled a sword in the middle of a duel, Godelot perished in his own cellar after he was locked in by his son and Loxias was stabbed. Voldemort knew this by the time he decided to kill me. That's why he chose to use the snake. He didn't want to risk raising the wand which he believed to be mine against me, for fear what might happen."

"But Dumbledore won the Elder Wand from Grindelwald in a duel, and he didn't even kill him. Surely, Voldemort was aware of this, as he had spoken to Grindelwald."

"Interesting, isn't it? It seems that Dumbledore was the only wizard who ever won the Death Stick in a duel, without foul play. Who knows... it's quite possible that Dumbledore has been master of the wand even before the legendary duel and was just unaware of the fact, just like you when you accidentally won it from Draco. There are other reasons I could think of, too... But I guess we will never know for sure."

"But when Draco attacked Dumbledore, it was a direct confrontation, wizard against wizard," Harry argued. "If your theory was right, Draco shouldn't have been able to defeat him."

"It wasn't a duel. Albus never raised his wand to defend himself, whether for not wanting to hurt Draco or because he was too weakened in body, mind and magic by the potion he had imbibed earlier. Either way, the wand saw that as weakness, which is why it changed its allegiance." This was the loophole he and Dumbledore had wanted to use to pass the mastery of the Elder Wand first from Dumbledore to Severus and then from Severus to Harry. If the planned confrontation with Harry had come about, Severus simply would have allowed whatever hex or curse the boy might have thrown at him to find its target. Too bad that Severus hadn't realized in the rush of events on the Astronomy tower that night that Albus had already been wandless by the time he cast the Avada Kedavra that killed him.

Harry let the explanation sink in. That actually did make some sense. He remembered what Ollivander had told him about wandlore: 'The wand chooses the wizard' – as if it was sentient, in a way. And the Elder Wand's allegiance had always seemed particularly fickle. But then he stumbled across the rather big hole in the logic and frowned: "But I didn't do anything to defend myself against Voldemort, either," he pointed out. "Shouldn't the wand have changed its allegiance to him when he cast the Avada?"

"What does the Avada Kedavra curse do, Harry?" Severus asked, seemingly out of context.

"Well, it kills the person who is hit with it, obviously..." Harry replied, sensing that this was the wrong answer. But honestly, what kind of strange question was that?

His godfather's face showed the same smug expression he wore in Potion class after a student had said something incredibly stupid, thus giving him an opening to correct him and twist the knife in the wound. "A knife to the heart kills your body, which leaves your soul no place to dwell," Severus lectured promptly, but surprisingly without malice. "The Avada Kedavra curse forces the soul out of a living body, which _then_ makes the body die. But because of your mother's protection – bound in blood – your soul was tethered to your body. It did not float away to wherever souls go. I guess it's a philosophic matter to discuss whether this means you were actually dead, or just comatose or near-dead."

"Okay, so the Avada didn't work as intended. But no matter if I was fully dead or only semi-dead – I was clearly defeated, so the wand should have changed allegiance nevertheless," Harry insited.

"Wrong again. The curse did exactly what it was supposed to do: it _did_ evict a soul from your body – the fragment of the Dark Lord inside you. So strictly speaking, Voldemort committed suicide when he used the Death Curse on you. If the wand interprets not defending oneself as weakness, how do you think it judges suicide?"

Harry blinked. "You mean... if I had raised my own wand to defend myself against Voldemort, it would have been a duel – and I would have won it..." he concluded, and swallowed. "Voldemort would have died again – just like he did the first time when his own curse was deflected onto him – but because of his Horcrux inside me, he would have returned. It would have started all over again, only this time, I would have been without my mother's protection. It would have died with his blood. And ultimately, I would still have had to die in order to kill the Horcrux inside me..."

Severus only nodded and said nothing.

"But then, what good did the Elder Wand do? If anything, it was a liability – I would have been damned if I had used it!"

"But you didn't. You faced him voluntarily and allowed him to kill you, and thereby ultimately saved your own life and that of many others who gained magical protection through your sacrifice. But after your resurrection, when you faced him again, it _was_ a duel! Which you won because _you_ were the Elder Wand's true master, not him. With its power being yours, you were able to defeat the Dark Lord one and for all."

"This is insane..." Harry muttered, feeling stunned. "A chain of events so full of intricacies that just one minor deviation from the path that brought about Voldemort's demise could have easily ended in disaster! Forget about all the heroics: It was coincidence, happenstance and sheer dumb luck that killed him in the end!"

"Maybe it was fate," Severus calmly responded. "Or the brilliant plan of a brilliant mind that fortunately worked out brilliantly in the end." It was Albus who had put all the players in the field and had given them the tools that had proven essential - the Bond of Blood, the Elder Wand, a boy willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good.

"Dumbledore really thought of everything, didn't he?" said Harry bitterly, who felt guilty for letting himself be manipulated. Severus had almost paid the price, and Harry's realisation that the person he had hated with such a vengeance all these years had in fact been the most loyal in the end would have come too late to make amends. "He made you the perfect tool, and me the perfect weapon."

Severus wasn't so sure if he could lay the guilt on Dumbledore, as far as he himself was concerned. After all, he had chosen his own chains. Unfortunately, they had only begun to feel like a burden when they had become too heavy to be broken.

"Yes, he did. And you're not the only one who feels some resentment because of it. But in chess, the pieces are needed just as much as the one who directs them. And Dumbledore was an excellent player – truly a mastermind. And in the end, we won the game. I try to make myself believe that it's the only thing that counts."

* * *

 _ **Was Sirius Black an Auror-Trainee?**_

 _There is no such proof in canon. In fact, I couldn't find any hints with regard to what the Marauders did profession-wise after Hogwarts. Most likely, the Potters never had a chance to pursue a career – they got married quickly and went in to hiding at some point after Harry was born. James seemed to have inherited from his family, so he was probably able to just do nothing. However, I can't believe that the same was true for Sirius. True, he did get a little money from his uncle when he was disinherited by his parents, but he used it to buy himself a small apartment and – obviously – a fancy motorbike._

 _So I imagine that Black might have wanted to become an Auror. It fits his personality. Besides, this would help to make sense of the fact that no one pushed for a public trial. Considering the huge impact the murder of the Potters had on the wizarding society, this struck me as odd._

 _ **Why Albania?**_

 _Actually, this was one of the things that bothered me most when talking of logic holes in the story. It made absolutely no sense. Why would Voldemort hide in a remote forest in Albania in his soul-form, if he was able to possess people, as he claimed?_

 _Was the forest so 'remote' that no one ever ventured into it in 11 years? Then why not hop into a snake, go to the next village and attach himself to the next person's head?_

 _The only logical explanation is that Voldemort lied. He didn't hide out in that forest voluntarily at all and he couldn't simply take over any other person's body. We know that he created the last Horcrux before his death, Rowena Ravenclaw's diadem, in Albania. That's where she had hidden it, and obviously, Voldemort wasted no time in turning it into a Horcrux when he found it. If your living soul (the one that left your body on dying) was indeed drawn back to the place where the torn off soul-piece was last seen, it turned out to be one of his most fundamental mistakes._

 _In order to escape that forest, he needed a willing vessel who was a wizard. He was lucky that he only had to wait 11 years for that to happen!_

 _ **The Elder Wand**_

 _Unfortunately, the books give us conflicting information about the functioning of the Elder Wand, which is said to be the most powerful wand of all. Voldemort believed it would make him invincible._

 _In Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows, we find this:_

 _"So the oldest brother (...) asked for a wand more powerful than any in existence: a wand that_ _ **must always win duels for its owner**_ _(...)"_

— _The Tale of the Three Brothers_

 _This means that the Elder Wand, in a duel – wand against wand – would always come out victorious, if wielded by its true owner. And indeed, in the past, most masters of the Elder Wand only came into its possession by_

" _ **deceit, stealth, foul play**_ _(the murder of Antioch Peverell in his sleep),_ _ **happenstance**_ _(as when Draco Malfoy disarmed Albus Dumbledore, who was concurrently casting a Full Body-Bind Curse on Harry Potter)_ _ **or beating the current master while he doesn't physically possess the wand**_ _(as in Harry Potter's disarming of Draco Malfoy)"_

— _[HP Wiki]_

 _Dumbledore and one Egred the Egregious are the only wizards who supposedly won the unbeatable Elder Wand in a duel which contradicts what is said in the Tale of the Three Brothers; but in Egred's case, it is said that he was 'slaughtered' in the duel, which suggests his opponent may have used other means than a wand to kill him.  
_

 _So how was it possible that Dumbledore defeated Grindelwald in the legendary duel, which even had eye-witnesses? There are only three possible explanations: One, Dumbledore had already won the mastery of the wand in an entirely different situation before – by happenstance, just like Harry won it from Draco. Two: Grindelwald was using a different wand. Which is unlikely._

 _Or option three: There was point in the duel where Grindelwald had the chance to kill Dumbledore, but where he hesitated and probably even backed off, opening a chance for Dumbledore to strike first. If this moment of hesitation, the lack of truly wanting to defeat his opponent, was interpreted as weakness by the wand, it would explain why it switched allegiance. We know that Dumbledore didn't kill Grindelwald either – but in this case, the wand must have felt that Dumbledore, unlike Grindelwald, would have been prepared to do so, if it had become necessary..._

 _Because as JKR once said in an interview: "The Elder Wand knows no loyalty except to strength. It's completely unsentimental. It will only go where the power is."_

 _Or as Ollivander claimed: "The wand choses the wizard... it's not always clear why."_

— _Ollivander discussing wandlore with Harry Potter_


	7. The Puppet Master,the Pawns&the Servants

_A/N: Although I have obviously not stricken a responsive chord among you all with this story, here finally the last chapter: :) **  
**_

* * *

 **The Puppet Master, the Pawns and the Servants**

"In all honesty, I'm not so sure what to think of Dumbledore anymore," Harry said, a bitter note in his voice. "I always thought he liked me. I thought he liked you, too. But he still used us and manipulated us. Do you remember my first year, when Quirrell tried to get the Philosopher's Stone? It was Dumbledore's set up from the beginning. He thought the time had come for the prophesy to be fulfilled."

Now it was Severus' turn to look at Harry with surprise and a good amount of curiosity. How much had the boy figured out? "How do you come to that conclusion?" he asked, wondering if James' and Lily's son was smarter than he had given him credit for.

"Contrary to what you always believed, I'm not stupid," Harry replied a bit defensively, irked by Severus' ill-concealed surprise. "I figured it out right after the headmaster's visit to the hospital wing. To begin with, there's the question of how Dumbledore, one of the greatest wizards alive at the time, could possibly have failed to notice that one of his teachers was carrying around the Dark Lord in his head. I mean – seriously – nothing of what went on within Hogwarts' walls ever escaped his notice. Quirrell had come back from his sabbatical a few months before the summer holidays and had apparently been acting weird ever since – not to mention the smelly turban he had suddenly started wearing. Even Hagrid had noticed his changed behaviour – he told me so. Yet Dumbledore gave him the DADA position. And he suddenly decided to move the stone, which had peacefully been sitting in a Gringotts vault for centuries, to Hogwarts. Why would he do that?"

Severus shot him a curious glance. "You tell me..."

"It's obvious, isn't it? Dumbledore knew that Quirrell was possessed. So he set up a trap, dangling the very thing in front of his nose that Voldemort needed to resurrect himself. Voldemort must have known about the stone and Dumbledore's connection to Flamel – it's on the Chocolate Frog cards! When he returned to Britain in Quirrell's body, he must have had some kind of plan – a plan that obviously didn't include his Death Eaters, as he never attempted to contact any of them, not even you. I suppose that Quirrell, after coming back from his sabbatical, had been inquiring about the stone, trying to find out its current location, which must have made Dumbledore all the more suspicious. He therefore transferred the stone to Hogwarts and made sure that Quirrell knew about it – first by sending Hagrid on his mission, then by making Quirrell help set up the protections. At the same time, he subtly started nudging me into action."

At that, Severus raised an eyebrow. As if Harry had ever needed to be 'nudged' into action! Stupid he might not be, but he had always had the nasty habit of sticking his nose where it didn't belong. And Dumbledore had always condoned, if not encouraged, his activities. "What makes you think that Dumbledore wanted _you_ to go after the stone?" he still asked, curious to hear how much Harry had figured out.

"Well, for one, he gave me my father's invisibility cloak for Christmas – anonymously, I might add. He even made sure it was returned to me after we were caught on the Astronomy Tower one night by Draco and I accidentally left it behind. He even added a note that said 'just in case...'. Why, if not to encourage my sneaking around?"

Yes, why indeed. Severus made a sour face. That damned invisibility cloak. It had taken him years to figure out how Harry had been able to get into so much mischief unnoticed, despite his best efforts to keep an eye on the boy. Giving an eleven year old an invisibility cloak had been an incredibly irresponsible thing to do, for various reasons. Clearly, Dumbledore had thought the boy invincible.

"Secondly," Harry continued, "Dumbledore let Hagrid in on the secret with the stone, after having made sure that I befriended him. Really, Hagrid is a good guy and incredibly loyal, but you can't entrust him with information you want to keep secret! Hagrid even took me with him to Gringotts when picking up the stone. There was no reason to do that – unless Dumbledore _wanted_ to draw my attention to the fact that a mysterious item of great importance was going to be hidden in Hogwarts.

Severus nodded. Indeed. He had been flabbergasted when he had heard that Hagrid of all people had been sent to get the stone – taking a first year with him, no less. It had made him suspicious of Dumbledore's intentions, especially since the headmaster had all but announced the half-giants 'important business with Gringotts' at the staff table. Surely, Quirrell had guessed what Hagrid was supposed to do and had tried to get into the vault before him.

"Thirdly, Dumbledore made sure that I found the Mirror of Erised before it was used as a final protection. He also ascertained that I understood how it worked. And seriously – all those 'protections' on the stone were no protections at all: They were challenges, an obstacle course – an adventure game designed for a first year. Dumbledore could have hidden the stone in his office – it would have been safe under his wards. Instead, he made sure that everybody knew something was hidden behind that door on the third floor corridor. It was easy to find out how to get past Fluffy, given that I had befriended Hagrid, thanks to Dumbledore's ministrations. The Devil's Snare is on the first year's Herbology syllabus and there was a high chance that at least one of us had paid attention in class. And seriously – a chess game, when Ron was a chess expert even in his first year? The logic riddle you designed – knowing that Hermione was a Muggle-born and really big into logic? And, most suspicious of all: The task of catching the flying key and the fact that, quite conveniently, there were _three_ brooms waiting for us. An adult wizard would just have used "Accio silver key' to open the door. The only really dangerous part was the troll, and that was Quirrell's contribution, who had no idea that kids were supposed to get past the 'protections'. I guess that part must have gotten Dumbledore a bit concerned, but then, as we had defeated one in the bathroom already, he was probably confident that we would manage to get past it. I bet the stone was safely in Dumbledore's office until I had a chance to discover the Mirror of Erised. Quirrell probably didn't know that – otherwise he wouldn't have made a move at the Halloween feast."

"Congratulations, Potter. You continue to surprise me." Severus couldn't help but applaud his godson. Hermione was right. He really had underestimated the kid all this time. Clearly, the boy had Lily's brains.

"Thank you – I think?" Harry replied a bit dubiously. It was a typical Snape remark, but it held none of the sarcasm that usually went with it. Yet it was a rather backhanded compliment if one chose to take it as such... Damn, the man was still impossible to figure out. Harry decided not to bother his head about it. "Anyway... What I failed to understand for a long time was the reason why Dumbledore set this whole thing up. I suppose I felt a bit of pride at being given the chance to defeat the wizard responsible for the murder of my parents."

"Of course you did!" Severus remarked drily, definitely sarcastic. "What did I say about your proclivity to heroism again?"

"I was only eleven years old!" Harry defended himself. "It didn't occur to me that it was a most irresponsible thing to do for an adult, setting a child in his care up for potential slaughter in the hope that a prophesy might be fulfilled."

Severus had to concede the point. Children surely had a tendency to overestimate their skills and their own importance. If he was honest, Harry hadn't really been worse than most of the kids his age in that. But Dumbledore also wasn't quite as bad as Harry made him out to be. "Dumbledore had protections in place," he pointed out. "He wouldn't wilfully endanger the life of a child."

"Yeah, I figured that out eventually, too. This funny story about him having been called to the ministry under a ruse and supposedly only returning many hours later, making it seem as if he had flown there on a broom... Conveniently, I didn't know anything about apparition or the floo-network at the time, so I didn't even wonder why on earth he would take a broom to get from Scotland to London. Provided he had been called to the ministry at all, he must have found out right after apparating or flooing there that it had been a set-up – he would have been back in Hogwarts about five minutes after leaving. I bet he was sitting in his office the entire time, probably using some fancy spying device to observe what was going on in the third floor corridor, prepared to step in if the situation got dire."

"I'd award points to Gryffindor if I could," Severus said with a mild smirk. "Too bad we aren't there."

Harry snorted. "Yeah, sure! As if! The day that happens, I'd know for sure that _you_ are being possessed."

Severus grinned, then sobered again. "Dumbledore was sure that you were destined to vanquish the Dark Lord once and for all – you, and nobody but you. I guess he had hoped that fate would be on your side, just like the night your parents were killed. That by some miracle, you'd manage to defeat the greatest evil wizard since Grindelwald at age eleven. And you almost did – if it hadn't been for those Horcurxes. Yet he was defeated again for another three years, confirming for Dumbledore that you really were the Chosen one, destined to save the wizarding world – when the time was right."

"A fact he never told me until my fifth year."

"No. But in that, I agreed with him. It would have been a too great burden to carry for a child – just like the knowledge that you had a Horcrux inside your head and had to sacrifice yourself at the end. He didn't even tell me until the last possible moment." That, to Severus, still felt like betrayal. Yes, he could understand Dumbledores' motives, and maybe nothing and nobody could have changed the boy's fate. But he couldn't help feeling used, just like Harry. Severus was sure that in his own way, Dumbledore had cared about both of them. But he had still always put everyone – no matter whether friend, family member or protege – behind the 'Greater Good'. On the other hand, Dumbledore had trusted in Severus and his honour when it was called into question by everybody else – and that was more than he could say for any other person in his life. At least, until a certain, bushy-haired Gryffindor had forced herself into it.

"Did you know that Quirrell was possessed by Voldemort at the time?" Harry asked.

Severus shook his head. "No. Dumbledore only told me that something was wrong with Quirrell and that I should keep an eye on him. He warned me that he might be after the stone – making him out to be a dumb, over-ambitious wizard who sought immortality. When Minerva, Flitwick and I wondered about the rather ridiculous set-up to hide the stone, the old man admitted with that damn twinkle in his eyes that he had a feeling you might try to play the hero, and that he was inclined to let you... to see how you'd cope and to see if you could be tempted by the stone's power."

Harry's chin fell. "Dumbledore thought that I might go after it to have it for myself?"

"Dumbledore didn't know you at the time," Severus pointed out when he saw Harry's indignation. "All he knew was that the Dark Lord had perished under mysterious circumstances when he tried to kill you, leaving the mark of a dark curse on your body. As we know now, he already suspected that a piece of the Dark Lord's soul had accidentally attached itself to you, and Dumbledore had no way of knowing if it had tainted you in any way... if the Dark Lord was somehow lying in wait inside your body. Nor did he know how character-building your aunt's and uncle's upbringing had been. So yes, he wanted to find out more about you: How would you react to the temptation? How would you go on about it and how far would you manage to get? He assured us that you were in no danger and that he had everything under control. I believed him... at least until someone hexed your broom during the Quidditch match."

"I suppose you didn't know that it was Quirrell at the time? Otherwise hexing him would have been the better solution. He was sitting right behind you."

"Well, it was not exactly a moment to ponder who the culprit might be – my focus was on keeping you on that broom. Afterwards... well, I had my suspicions, but I couldn't figure out what he was playing at. What reason could he have for wanting you dead? To my knowledge, Quirrell has never been a Death Eater, but this incident made me wonder... I tried to coax him to show his cards, but he didn't even seem to know what I was on about."

"Why _did_ he try to kill me? I mean, I understand that it was Voldemort who made him do it, but why? His primary intent was to get the stone – he didn't even know about the second half of the prophesy at that point. Making Quirrell act in such a suspicious way and almost blowing his cover seems rather counterproductive."

"Indeed. He probably was unable to resist when the opportunity to take revenge presented itself."

"But that means Voldemort knew that it was _you_ who had thwarted the attempt. How did you explain that to him, after his return?"

Severus sighed. "With a convincing lie, as always." He had really become adept at telling half-truths or even outright lies over the years. People had no idea how difficult it was to come up with a plausible, alternative fact in the spur of the moment. Lying successfully demanded creativity, logic and a quick mind. Thank Merlin that he possessed all of those gifts. "I managed to convince him of what was basically the truth: That I meant to thwart a pathetic, foolish wizard with delusions of grandeur who thought he could walk in the footsteps of a wizard far greater than himself, and that I had saved you because Dumbledore had ordered me to keep an eye on you. After all, I needed to stay in his favour and was still atoning for the error of my ways. And last not least, I told him that I had been curious about you. Apart from those who celebrated you as the boy-who-lived and a saviour, there were others who wondered if you were a reincarnation of the Dark Lord himself – destined to become the next dark wizard behind whom we could all rally once more. I told him that I protected you at the time to find out if his spirit lived on in your body, but that I had long since started to lose that hope, given how disappointingly mediocre you were."

To Severus surprise, the boy didn't even blink an eye at the insult, which, as pointedly and exaggerated as he had put it, was nothing but the honest truth. Harry _was_ a rather average wizard – not overly ambitious, not immensely powerful, not even more highly skilled or more knowledgeable than other witches or wizards. He had fast reflexes, the typical Gryffindor braveness and a proclivity to heroism, all coupled with sound moral values. Harry might have been surprised to learn that Severus didn't even consider this mediocrity a flaw or worthy of an insult. Quite the contrary. It was a relief, especially since Harry didn't seem to mind that he was not born to be the next leader of the wizarding world. They had seen enough of such self-appointed leader types for quite a while.

"Me – a new dark wizard?" Harry snorted, finding the idea rather ridiculous, too. He had never felt the lure of the Dark Arts and he hated any kind of hero-worship. It was undeserved. Everything they had managed was the result of team-work, determination and sheer dumb luck. All he had ever wanted was to live and be left in peace. "And Voldemort bought that?"

"Well, at the time I was able to tell him straightfaced and with utter conviction how stupid the thought had been, because you were nothing but an arrogant and self-righteous twit deep in Dumbledore's pocket, just like your father, and that you hated me just as ardently. He definitely bought _that._ "

"Do you still think so now?" Harry asked, his voice belying the casualness of the question.

"No," Severus admitted after only a brief moment hesitation. What he had told the Dark Lord at the time hadn't been so much a lie but rather self-deceit. An untruth he had nurtured for various reasons. "You were reckless and rash, hot-tempered and disrespectful at times, but you have never been mean or arrogant. Maybe I knew it even back then, deep in my heart. But it was easier to hate you, and it was the hatred and disdain I displayed that convinced the Dark Lord of my loyalty."

The year after his master's return had been the hardest – physically and mentally. The Dark Lord had a quick temper, and being around him was always like dancing on the rim of a volcano. He had used the Prying Potion on Severus frequently, which made it necessary to maintain a strong discipline of his mind at all times. While it was possible to deceive by giving false memories, it was next to impossible to produce false feelings.

"It must have been hard, being a double agent..." Harry acknowledged pensively. "Much harder than I ever thought. Always walking the line, lying and deceiving, never being able to justify what you were doing, never being able to tell the truth..." It wouldn't be surprising if he hadn't even known what the truth really was after a while.

"Well, like I said – it was always easier to lie with a truth, and what I said about Quirrell probably wasn't far off the mark," Severus said, quickly steering the conversation back into safer waters. Harry was touching on psychological issues he wasn't prepared to discuss, least of all with him.

"Yes," Harry readily agreed. "He was rather full of himself with Voldemort in his head. He either was a huge closet fan or out for glory when he went on his sabbatical to find him. But how did he know that Voldemort was still out there in the first place?"

"Quirrell was an expert on the Dark Arts, even while he was still a teacher for Muggle studies. If he knew about Horcruxes, he probably had his suspicions when he learned of the Dark Lord's mysterious disappearance and the fact that you bore nothing but a scar after surviving the killing curse. There are only so many known ways to assure one's return to life after dying. If Quirrell did the same research on the matter I did later on, he might have come to the conclusion that Voldemort had created a Horcrux sooner than anybody else did. It would have been easy to find out that he spent some time in Albania in the fifties. Given that Quirrell's search lasted almost an entire year, he probably went to other places before that."

"So he hoped to find a Horcrux and found Voldemort's ghost instead... The idea that he would end up possessed probably never crossed his mind."

"I wouldn't call it 'possession'," Severus qualified. "Taking possession of another human being requires an immense amount of power, and you can only maintain control of him for a very limited amount of time. Quirrell _allowed_ the Dark Lord to use him as a vessel, remaining in control of his mind and his actions while he carried him in his head like a parasite. I guess one could call it 'shared occupancy of his body'. One way or another, the Dark Lord must have gotten Quirrell's consent."

"And when Quirrell died, Voldemort's soul piece was flung to Albania again..." Harry concluded. "That must have sucked. I really would have liked to witness his fury when he realised that he was back in that forest _again_!"

"It was probably good that Pettigrew only came for him two years later, after he had some time to simmer down..."

Harry's eyes widened in surprise. It almost sounded as if Snape was joking. Impossible. "I wonder what took him so long..." he mused. "If Voldemort had left him specific instructions as to where to look for him in case something went wrong with his plans to obtain the stone, he must have wondered why Peter only turned up only in the summer after my third year. And I use 'wondered' very loosely in this context. He must have been livid. Small wonder he didn't kill him on the spot."

"It would have been extremely stupid to do so, given that he was his only hope of escaping the forest he was stuck in. Besides, Pettigrew had an excuse the Dark Lord could not dismiss: His rather smallish brain. Pettigrew must have become really rat-like, even when walking on two feet. Wizards are not meant to spent twelve years in animal shape. When you transform into your Animagus' form, you adopt the specific animal's senses and awareness. Which means you start living, feeling and thinking like an animal if you stay in that form for too long. It's quite possible that you lose your ability to transform back by yourself at all, which I believe is what had happened to Pettigrew before the Dark Lord found him in your second year."

"You mean he was trapped in his rat's body all the while?" What a horrible thought. But then, it might explain another question that had been bothering Harry. Why, in all those years the twins had been using the Marauder's map, had they never noticed that first Percy, then Ron constantly hung out with a guy named 'Peter Pettigrew' – even while in bed? Maybe the map recognized people by their brain pattern. If Peter had succumbed to being 'Scabbers' brain-wise, he would have been recognised by the map's magic as a rat, not as a human. There might have been a window of time in their first year where Peter might have shown on the map again as himself, and luckily for him, the twins hadn't used it to spy on their brother. He had reappeared on the map in Harry's third year, though... Had the fearsome news of Sirius Black escaping Azkaban rekindled the human part of Scabber's brain? Enough at least for the map to recognize him as human, even when still trapped in Scabber's body?

"It wouldn't surprise me." Severus shrugged. "It's amazing that Pettigrew kept his sanity even to the degree he still did. I imagine that while he was in his rat form, he was oblivious of the fact that his master had failed to return to power, and completely oblivious about time passing."

"Still makes you wonder why Peter went back to him in the first place. I would have thought he would be scared shitless. He couldn't have known that Voldemort would be so forgiving."

"Pettigrew had no choice. It was either Azkaban as a human, continuing his life as a rat in hiding or pledging his loyalty to the Dark Lord again. And Voldemort had no choice but to be forgiving. He was entirely powerless in the state he was in, unable to even hold a wand. He needed Pettigrew – desperately."

"Why didn't he confide in you? Instead of revealing himself to the rat, he could have contacted you while he was in Quirrell's head..."

"He didn't trust me, especially not after I tried to thwart Quirrell's attempt to kill you and get the stone. He only gave me the benefit of doubt because he also saw how much I hated you, and how much everybody still distrusted me. Pettigrew, however, had nowhere to turn to. He needed the Dark Lord as much as he needed the rat."

Yes, that made sense. Pettigrew must have felt immensely grateful when Voldmort found him and transformed him back into a human if he had lost that ability himself after living as a rat for eleven years. The idea that he might have been sitting in their dormitory in his human form while they were in classes made Harry shudder, even in retrospect. Maybe he had lost his ability to turn back by himself completely, making him fully dependent on Voldemort. The idea that Pettigrew had needed his master's help whenever he wanted to regain his human shape was immensely more pleasing. Would have served the rat right!

"How did Pettigrew manage to bring him his wand? I know he must have had it in Albania, as Voldemort used it to kill Bertha Jorkins when she ran into him... Where was it all the time, after he lost it here in Godric's Hollow?"

"It was confiscated as evidence in the murder of your parents after it was found on the floor of your bedroom, where Dumbledore had left it for the Aurors."

"But how did Peter get his hands on the wand after the Ministry took it?"

"I assume a plan to retrieve it was put in motion even while the Dark Lord still resided in Quirrells' head. Pettigrew was Ronald's rat and was taken to the Burrow for Christmas break. Arthur was working in the ministry... I suppose it can't have been all that difficult to hide in his coat pocket or lunch box and let himself be carried to the Ministry."

"But he'd have to find the wand within the ministry and get it out... A rat with a wand would surely have looked suspicious."

"Finding it wouldn't have been hard. It would be with the Wizengamot Administration Service, probably laying in a storage box gathering dust. Given that the Dark Lord was dead and gone, it would have been forgotten after all this time. As to getting it out... well, yes, that part might have been tricky. Pettigrew most likely hid it somewhere in the public area, where Quirrell could pick it up the next day, visiting the ministry under some ruse. Security has always been lamentably lax in the ministry."

That was certainly true. It explained how they had managed to break into the Department of Mysteries as mere fifth graders, and not only retrieve the prophesy, but to crash the entire hall in the process without anybody noticing. Or why they had been able to pull it off a second time, and steal the locket right from the neck of Dolores Umbridge. Sadly, it also explained why Voldemort managed to take over the entire ministry in one swift strike the night of Bill's wedding.

"So Voldemort was then able to hide his wand somewhere on Hogwarts grounds, assuming that he would be able to use it as soon as Quirrell had gotten hold of the stone..." Harry mused, putting the pieces together. "And when that didn't happen, Pettigrew grabbed it before he fled Britain after he was exposed by Sirius and brought it to Albania. And he came with another present – Bertha Jorkins, a ministry official! This time, Voldemort really had a stroke of luck."

"She not so much," remarked Severus in a dark tone, which made Harry shiver.

"I alway wondered why he didn't simply take possession of Bertha and let her carry him back right into the ministry, like he did with Quirrell," he mused. "I guess I have that explanation now. He couldn't take her over, and he probably didn't want to be stuck on the back of somebody's head again."

"Yes. This time, he had the means to create himself a rudimentary body. In his spiritual form, he couldn't leave the forest."

"How did they manage to do that? Create this hideous creature of flesh and bone, I mean. It was pretty revolting..." Harry remembered the horrible ritual that brought about Voldemort's real resurrection, when the monstrosity which, in a twisted way, had looked like a crippled child was dropped into the boiling cauldron. He had seen it again when he found himself in that nothingness between life and death, underneath a bench in what appeared to be an otherwordly King's Cross station – only remotely human in shape, naked, bleeding, repulsive.

Severus had never seen the Dark Lord in that state, but he had a good idea what kind of dark magic had been used to create the rudimentary body. The poor witch. To experience such horror before finally meeting her death. "Trust me, Potter, you don't want to know," he said darkly. "If you think Voldemort's rebirth from his father's bone, Pettigrew's flesh and your blood was horrifying, this will chill you to the bone. Suffice to say that in the end, he had his body and his wand, a lot of useful information, a snake familiar and an obedient servant. Yes, he really was lucky."

"Everybody believes he made Nagini his last Horcrux by killing Bertha... But wouldn't that have been extremely stupid? I mean – he risked being flung there a third time, should his rudimentary body give out before he could be fully reborn..."

"Of course it would have been extremely stupid, not to mention impossible. The Dark Lord was far too weak to perform such complicated magic at that point, and the risk of tearing yet another piece from his soul would have been far too great in his highly unstable physical condition. He certainly didn't create his last Horcrux until after he got back to England. I'm sure he chose a much more convenient place for the creation of Nagini as his last Horcrux – my guess would be in Riddle Manor."

"Do you think he chose Nagini because he had possessed her while in that forest and had formed a bond with her?"

Severus shook his head. "No. I think he used her because turning a living being into a Horcrux is much easier than forcing the soul piece into an inanimate object. Living beings are the more natural vessels for souls. I believe the Dark Lord was too weakened in the end to turn another inanimate object into a Horcrux."

Harry frowned. "He didn't appear weak at all..."

"I'm not talking about magical power. I'm talking of the strength of his soul. There was hardly anything left of his."

"I bet he had plans to use the sword of Gryffindor – there would have been such a nice symmetry to it, using the symbols of all four founders for his Horcruxes. Maybe he tried and realised that he couldn't do it, which is why he put it into the vault, not knowing that you had already thwarted his plans by replacing the real sword with a copy. In the end, his vanity and his need for grandeur brought him down. Imagine if he had put his soul's pieces into pebbles and thrown them into the sea! They would have been safe forever."

"Well, it would have needed to be a magical object, but still. Thank Merlin that you and Dumbledore were able to locate them all. In hindsight, it seems like an impossible task. I don't know what the old man was thinking, leaving it to you three."

"I was able to sense them when I was in close vicinity..." Harry explained, "probably because of the soul piece stuck in me. I suppose that's why Dumbledore thought I had the best chance of finding them."

"More likely, our beloved Leader of the Light had the Prophesy in mind which claimed that you were the one destined to vanquish the Dark Lord. By finding and destroying those Horcruxes you did just that – piece by piece."

"Which begs the question if the Prophesy was only fulfilled because everybody – especially Dumbledore – made sure that it happened."

Severus could feel the hurt in Harry's voice, and although he could empathise, he felt the need again to defend his mentor, master and the closest thing to a friend he had had for ages. "Dumbledore did care about you, and he wanted you to survive. But you still had a role in this game, just as I did. It wasn't Dumbledore who made us play our parts according to his script. It was many things – fate, circumstances, and last not least our own decisions."

"I just can't stop thinking how differently things could have gone if only Dumbledore hadn't been so damned secretive! If we hadn't hated each other so much... if we hadn't been enemies at the time, you could have guided me, helped me so much more than you could while being in the camp of the enemy. This war could have been over so much sooner – so many lives could have been saved!"

"What-ifs are not worth pondering, Potter. There are simply too many of them. What if I had never passed on the prophesy in the first place? What if Sirius had not tried to get me killed in the Shrieking Shack? Who knows what would have happened instead... Maybe the Dark Lord wouldn't have come for you. Then your mother's protection would never have rebounded in a killing curse on him, and the Dark Lord would never have disappeared. Or he might have killed your entire family without even giving your mother a choice, and we wouldn't even be having this discussion. I didn't know half of the things I do now while they were happening. It was all a lot of guesswork based on partial information, for me as much as for you. I only managed to put all the pieces together _after_ all was over. And it was important that I remained behind the lines – you now know why. If working together might have saved some lives, others might have been lost. Had there been another way? We'll never know. It's only ever easy in hindsight."

Harry nodded, feeling weary all of a sudden. Severus was right. There was no sense in fretting about it. The past was past, and none of them could change any of it, probably not even with a time-turner. He needed to let go of the bitterness, not dwell on what they lost, but focus on the good that had come out of it. Such as the fact that his acerbic, often verbally abusive and fear-instilling Ex-Professor was not his enemy anymore, but a man he had come to respect, to understand and even to like a little.

"Thank you for telling me all this," he said, letting his godfather see the open honesty and gratefulness in his eyes. "This has been more information than I had ever hoped to get. It really helped me to understand everything better. And I believe I needed to understand in order to find closure."

"Yes. But don't linger too much in the past – it won't do you any good, trust me. If there is one piece of advice I can pass on from my own experience – and I admit I'm often having a hard time listening to my own counsel – it is that: We mustn't allow our past to define our future."

"Do you think... that could also be true with regard to our relationship?"

Severus sighed. Typical Gryffindor. You always had to spell it out for them. "Yes, Potter. I do.

* * *

 _A/N: Eventually, this little story will be part of the Christmas chapters I'm still working on. As we have a big relocation on the horizon (we'll be moving from Germany to the United States) around that time, I can make no promises. What I had envisioned to be a quiet time of the year is going to be very busy and exciting for us, and most likely I'll not have much time for writing. But I'll be back eventually!  
_


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